i offer my last song
by iceley11
Summary: shu disappears then comes back... why and what's nex?read to find out... author sucks at giving summaries
1. Chapter 1

I don't own gravitation and you should all be thankful that I don't because if I did, I won't share them. LOL! Second fanfic for gravitation since this is the one and ONLY anime I seem to be truly affected by. Please don't expect lemons since I lack the skill and the vocabulary to write one (I'm supposed to be a Filipino for goodness' sake!). Also, don't be mad at me because I sort of molded Yuki someone I want him to be, and I'm not sure how far away he is from the anime. Been trying to write from a Shuichi POV, but you know the kid, too unpredictable…Yuki. Please R & R!

It's been two years since that fateful night. Yuki could still remember it as if it happened minutes ago, and yet the new paintings in the wall, new T.V. and new furniture in his apartment screamed otherwise.

_Flashback_

The writer heard a door squeak open, and although no familiar shouting of his name followed, he knew very well who it was. It's surely the singer that's moved with him some months ago.

He heard the door of his study open and the pink-haired head of the said singer slowly appeared from behind it.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked, although the writer was obviously in the room.

Yuki took a cigarette from his drawer and lit it, trying to relieve the frustration that built itself inside him making him unable to write coherently. "What is it?" he asked indifferently.

Shuichi stepped in, knelt and placed his head on Yuki's lap, "nothing really… I was just wondering if you're busy… tomorrow maybe… or tonight…"

"Why?" the writer asked, not really knowing if he liked where this little conversation is going.

"I… I just have to tell… to tell you something…"

"Is it important?" the writer asked again.

"Well… yes, Yuki, it is," the singer replied.

Yuki wasn't sure what the word _important _really meant to Shuichi, but he had a deadline looming in and he didn't need any stupid distraction, from anybody, right now.

"Yeah? Well, it'll just have to wait, brat, because I have something more important to do, and right now, you're distracting me. So whether you mind or not, step out of my study and leave me in relevant peace." He said coolly, crushing the cigarette in an ashtray nearby.

Shuichi's head shot up and their eyes met. Yuki was expecting protest, followed by a pout and a lot of screaming of his name, but this time, it was different. Very different. Shuichi's eyes were full of shock, mixed with fear and the slightest hint of dispute. Slowly, and although barely restraining the tears, the purple eyes started to calm down. _This is so unlike him, wonder if the world's going to end tomorrow_, Yuki thought.

"Please, Yuki? Just this one time?" the singer said almost pleadingly, tilting his head a little sideways.

Even though Yuki's heart melted at the sight of this, he scolded himself not to be tempted. The sooner he gets through his work, the sooner he and Shuichi can discuss matters in a more pleasurable way.

But instead of telling this to the singer, he stuck to his _I'm Yuki the bastard _attitude and decided to play mean. "What part of _you're distracting me _don't you understand, brat? Leave me alone or do I have to throw you out of this room?"

Shuichi's eyes widened at those words as he stood up, still looking pleadingly unto the writer's eyes. "Just this one time, Yuki. Just this once, can't you give me just this one time?" he asked again, although this time, his shaky voice started to rise.

"I won't have to repeat myself, now would I?" replied Yuki looking coldly at Shuichi's pleading ones. In truth, it's tearing him inside, but to give in to Shuichi right now would be totally against everything the name YUKI EIRI meant in the encyclopedia.

"Am I really that worthless that you deny me this one time?" Shuichi shouted fully, angrily and yet anyone who knew him could hear the begging in his tone.

Yuki never really liked noise, and he never really liked being shouted at either. He could feel the anger slowly starting to build inside him. Damn it, this is NOT what he needs right now! "Shut up, brat, and leave me alone." He said calmly, gritting his teeth doing his best not to let that anger surface then shoved Shuichi outside the room before slamming the door behind him. He was expecting loud bangings on the door and his name being shouted, but, just as it happened just moments ago, what he expected didn't happen. He was greeted by silence, nothing more.

Although quite uneasy about the unusual happenings of today, the writer forced himself back to his seat and tried to resume writing his novel, or what he's finished at least. After a few hours of complete silence, totally uninspirational and therefore deleted five chapters of his novel and unnerving discomfort, he finally decided to give up and cuddle Shuichi, his own version of saying _I'm sorry, can we kiss, make up and have sex?_

He opened the door, and sort of anticipated a Shuichi curled up like a child in a corner of a room in his place. To his disappointment, Shuichi was nowhere in the house. Another unexpected event.

_Probably out working or with Hiro crying his heart out or something_, he thought, ignoring the slight pang of fear in his insides. He waited out patiently, thinking soon enough the singer would come barging in.

A few hours later, he woke up on the couch, not remembering how he got asleep. When he sat up and saw a pack of rather expensive cigarettes with a note right beside it on the table.

_Yuki, _

_I'm sorry for acting like a kid again, I really am. I bought these for you as compensation, but promise me that after this pack, you won't smoke again, please? I'm begging you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop smoking… it's bad for your health…_

_I love you, Yuki Eiri, I love you._

"Brat…" Yuki murmured under his breath. For some reason, he felt as if his heart was being pulled down heavily by a myriad of iron chains. Why? He wasn't quite sure. Instincts were telling him something, but his human rationality forced him to stay put and disregard all those feelings of unease.

The minutes he waited started to become hours and before he knew it, a day has passed, and still no Shuichi around.

He was going to pick up the phone and call Hiro, but the phone rang and he picked it up to answer instead, "Uesagi speaking," he said calmly.

"Hello, Yuki? It's Hiro. Is Shuichi still there? We're supposed to renew our contract with NG today, about half an hour ago. I know it's rude to distract you right now and everyone will tolerate his being late anyway, but still. Can you tell him to fix himself and get his puny little ass here as fast as possible?"

Yuki digested those words almost painfully, as if his fears were being answered. "He's not with you? He didn't go to you last night?" he said, doing his best to stop his voice from fidgeting.

"Well, no, he wasn't. Isn't he there? I mean, he's not with you?" Hiro answered on the other line.

Yuki shook his head, and then realized how stupid that was since Hiro can't see him. "No. He left…last night. I thought he went with you."

Silence, and he knew that Hiro must be realizing what he's just realizing right then.

"O-okay then. Thank you. Maybe he went to his parents. I reckon you guys had a little quarrel so he- he might be with Maiko right now. T-Thanks anyway…"

Yuki hung up and hoped, wished, BEGGED that Shuichi was with his parents.

_End of flashback. _


	2. Chapter 2

No doubt about it. Shuichi left him that night. Where had he gone to, none of the people they know have any idea. The brat didn't even bring a single belonging, not the pink stuffed rabbit he had, not his favorite Nittle Grasper C.D., not even a copy of his own C.D., nothing. At the first few weeks of his disappearance, people were worried, very worried that something might've happened to the singer, kidnapped, killed or something. But there was nothing in the news and nobody really saw anybody with him. In fact, it seemed like the last person who saw him last was Yuki himself. Even after they've traced where the expensive cigarettes were bought, the old man who owned the store didn't remember seeing a pink-haired somebody in his store.

It seemed that Shuichi just disappeared, doing a better job than Houdini himself.

Yuki moved out of his bed and took a long relieving bath, the kind he's learned to take just to drown the tears in shower waters streaming on his face. The kind he learned to take just so he can retain what's left of his shaky sanity.

After about an hour, he stepped out of the bathroom, dressed himself and took his car keys. He's got an appointment with his psychologist and thanks to the remembrance of Shuichi's last day with him, he's running late.

He arrived in front of the hospital just in time, thankfully. Just as he came in the elevator, something caught his eye.

Out of the corner, a familiar figure in a dark navy blue shirt and jeans appeared. He had majestic albeit sad purple eyes that just seemed to bare his soul to the world, the kind of eyes that once matched well with pink hair, now fitted perfectly with the lightest shade of brown Yuki has ever seen.

_No. It couldn't be. Not after two years he couldn't be… could he?_

Although his mind kept screaming that he should go after that figure, turn him around and take a good look at his face, none of his muscles seemed to agree. He just stood there, completely motionless as if petrified as the elevator doors closed and the figure disappeared behind it.

Yuki swallowed hard on a lump that formed itself on his throat. He felt dazed, he felt tired, he felt weird, and although he would never ever admit this to anyone, he felt like crying his very soul outside of his body to chase that figure. Whether or not it was Shuichi, he didn't care. All he wanted was to know…

He stumbled his way to the door of his psychologist, and by the time he was inside, he had already gained part of his composure.

"Good morning, Mr. Uesagi," she said to him as she beckoned him to sit down comfortably to start this session.

Yuki knew he wasn't supposed to lie to her, she being his psychologist and everything, but not telling her the fact that he thought he saw Shuichi kept him sane in his eyes, and there's no way in hell he'd give up his sanity anytime soon.

After the session, he came back home and opened the T.V., thoughts still pondering on the purple eyes he saw earlier.

…_**So why did you call your band Shining Glory Days?**_

…_**well, we started…**_

_Band… Bad Luck… Shuichi… damn it you brat… you've been gone for two years and no one has a clue whether or not you're still alive and you still penetrate my thoughts, damn it, what's happening to me, _he said wiping the cold sweat now forming on his brow and under his nose. He was in deep thoughts, almost in sleep when…

_**We have just received news that Shuichi Shindou, the lead singer of the band Bad Luck, has just arrived in this airport just hours ago…**_

Yuki's eyes shot open and he focused his eyes on the T.V. His heart, the same heart that was once frozen in ice, almost melted at the sight of that familiar figure walking out of the airport, the same figure he saw just hours ago in the hospital.

The reporter was saying something, but Yuki was too preoccupied looking at the new Shuichi that he couldn't have cared any less.

He felt like… in all honesty, he didn't know how he felt. It was as if he wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to scream, and for all it's worth, all he really wanted was Shuichi right in his arms, kissing him and bringing him to a place beyond heaven even angels will envy them.

How things really went through for him that night, he wasn't really sure, but when he woke up the next day, he was lying on the couch, the sun was already high and his T.V. was still on.

After taking his daily routine, he decided to go to NG. If there's one place Shuichi would go to after a long trip, he knew that had to be it.

"Eiri?" Tohma asked as he walked towards Yuki, face showing that he didn't expect this at all.

"My, you're the second person to drop by here without notice. To what do I owe this honor?" he said, smiling that empty smile he uses when he's trying to hide something.

"Shut it, Seguchi. I reckon the first person you're talking about that's come here must be Shuichi, now where is he?" Yuki said straight and flatly.

Tohma's eyes widened, nevertheless, he kept his smile. "I shouldn't have let that one slip…" he said, talking to no one in particular, "You're right Eiri, he was here."

"Where is he?" the writer asked again, his patience growing thin.

"I'm afraid you've arrived a little late Eiri. He's left and he didn't tell me exactly where he was going." Tohma replied coolly.

Yuki's eyes widened, "what did you tell him?" he asked precariously. More than once in his life, Tohma had warned Shuichi out of Eiri's life, and damn hell that is _not _what Yuki wanted Shuichi to think right now, "What did you tell him, Seguchi!" Yuki shouted being unable to restrain his anger.

Tohma, however, remained impassive, "nothing, Eiri. Just that I was disappointed that he left some time ago then goes back here saying he's sorry for all the troubles he's caused and acting like that's enough. Don't worry. I knew better than to interfere with you knowing that you have things to tell him yourself."

Yuki took a breath of relief. At the very least, he knew that Tohma was saying the truth, but now he has no idea where Shuichi went. He could call Hiro, or not since after Shuichi disappeared, Hiro's been acting like such a bastard he couldn't get within ten meters near him without being shouted a curse.

Damn it, he was clueless, disappointed and thoroughly hurt.

He came back to his apartment and was about to insert the key when he heard noises from inside. A break-in? Damn, could things be any worse than this? He opened the door which, as he suspected, was already unlocked. Maybe he should get himself one of those security apparatus that tests your fingerprints or something. Yuki didn't want to admit it, but having killed someone when he was younger made him a lot tougher inside. It made him aware that he can do anything if he really wanted to protect himself, and so he went inside the apartment intending to beat up the intruder without having to call any authorities.

Living room was empty so he figured that the thief or whatever it was must be in his room. He peaked inside but he couldn't see who the intruder was or what he was doing since the shadows seemed to overcast on him. He was planning on using the element of surprise to his advantage, but when he approached the figure fully prepared to hit it, seemed like he element of surprise fired right back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

He found himself staring a pair of large and definitely surprised purple eyes that were boring on his own. Slowly, his arms started to fall right to his side as he and Shuichi stood on opposite sides and stared at each other.

The purple eyes calmed and just stared at him, sadness evident in them although Yuki wasn't quite sure which chapter of their life brought the sadness there.

"Eiri…" Shuichi whispered; his voice softer than Yuki had ever heard it before.

The writer felt his insides burn, of anger, of whatever, he really didn't know and the next thing he realized was that he had Shuichi's back pressed up against the wall with him grasping the former singer's arms.

"You disappear for two years leaving not a single trace then out of nowhere and without a call or a letter or whatever kind of notice you come back here and you have the decency to show yourself in my apartment and call me by my first name?! Shit Shuichi!" he exploded. He didn't really expect himself to act this way, but right then and there he felt lighter that he had for those past two years. He didn't realize he was hurt _this _badly.

Shuichi's eyes filled with tears, yet those same tears remained unshed even as the singer looked away. "I'm sorry… I guess I really messed up your life this time, didn't I?" he replied despondently.

"_I'm sorry_? That's all you have to say? You're sorry?" Yuki shouted again. The singer winced and only then did the writer realize he was grasping his arms too tight. His eyes softened a little as he loosened his hold on the singer. Knowing Shuichi's body quite well, he knew that there'd be bruises in those arms soon. Then he noticed something, it could've been purely imaginary, but he thought Shuichi was having hard time breathing. Not that he wasn't at the moment. He was just overwhelmed by all those powerful emotions coming from inside him, pain, misery, pleasure, ecstasy, they all seem to be harmonizing inside of him in a strange way he wondered to what extent can his body keep up.

Silence answered them both. As Yuki watched Shuichi standing there taking deep breaths, he started to become oblivious to everything else. What had he just done? Wasn't it that just moments ago he barged in NG just to find Shuichi? And now that the singer's in front of him, all he's managed to accomplish was hurt him again. Almost unknowingly, he stepped forward, pulled Shuichi away from the wall and into his tight embrace. A familiar feeling of the small ball of warmth in his hug gave him a feeling of bliss not even the best sex with anyone except Shuichi could ever compare to.

The moment would've been the paramount of his life, if only the door didn't suddenly open and a number of reporters barged themselves in catching a preview of it.

A myriad of questions echoed throughout the whole apartment while Yuki tried to escape while still holding Shuichi, protecting the singer from the media's prying eyes. He knew better than to question on how they found out the singer was with him at the moment.

Yuki had to find the most secluded corner of the building for hiding, silently hoping that they never find out there's such a place.

"Are they gone?" Shuichi asked, his warm and mint smelling breath touching the writer's chest.

"I think so," Yuki replied as he slowly departed their bodies. He was taken aback by how disappointed he felt his body was when they did.

"Yuki, I-" Shuichi tried to say something, but was instantly shut up by Yuki kissing him with so much passion and so much longing he truly believed he was being loved, or was loved at least. When their lips parted, his heart was beating so hard he wouldn't be surprised to see it jump out of his chest.

Yuki knew what that expression meant; he'd seen it on Shuichi's face many times before and he felt relieved that he still had the ability to make it show.

Shuichi's hands curled on the writer's chest creasing Yuki's attire, and the tears he hanged unshed finally let loose and cascaded on his pale flawless face.

"Yuki… I… why did you… you should hate me… you should hate me… you can't be like this to me…" he sobbed at the writer's chest.

Yuki heard every word but understood nothing of it. Exactly what did that mean coming from Shuichi?

He placed Shuichi's face between his hands and rubbed the corner of his eyes with his thumb. He leaned in closer and gave the singer another passionate kiss. He never really had the guts to tell him how much he loved him and so he just hoped that kissing the little idiot would send the whole message.

He still had more to give, but he stopped when he realized that it was taking all of Shuichi's strength just to breathe. "Shuichi? What's wrong?" he asked, completely bewildered. If he remembered it correctly, he and Shu had kissed longer than this on several occasions before. Of course, right now, they both had adrenaline coursing freely on their veins making their hearts beat in a rate that's faster than supposed to be, but that's even more reason why Shu should be giving in to passion right now, not panting like he is at the moment.

"I'm okay… Yuki…" Shuichi replied still panting lightly. "I was just a little… it's been quite a while since…"

Yuki refused the mad urge to laugh at the statement. _It's been quite a while since…_ although the singer couldn't finish the sentence, part of Yuki knew that what Shuichi meant was that the last time he's been kissed like that was when he was still with him; he even doubted if Shuichi's kissed anyone at all during his absence. It made him proud to admit how good of a kisser he knew he was.

The next thing he knew was that Shuichi had collapsed in his arms. Although slightly surprised, Yuki didn't think it was anything serious. The brat's probably just tired from his trips. He looked around carefully and when he was sure that the pesky reporters were gone, he stepped out with Shuichi in his arms. He brought him back to his apartment and laid him on the bed. Although Yuki had changed the covers several times during Shuichi's absence in a desperate attempt to drown every memory of their time together, he wouldn't deny that this was still the same bed they used to share. The same bed where Shuichi used to murmur his name and whisper endless _I love you_'s then sleep soundly that his face looked so angelic to the point where Yuki wishes he could see his wings and they could just fly far away from there. The writer couldn't wait to experience that again.

"Mmm…" Shuichi moaned when Yuki noticed him open his eyes some time after. The singer sat up and looked around him, then finally resting his eyes on the blonde who was also intently looking at him.

The surprise in the singer's eyes was once again replaced by that unfathomable sadness. Yuki hated that, he hated seeing Shuichi with those kind of eyes, and yet he really couldn't say he never caused them before. "What's wrong, Shuichi?" he asked putting his hand on Shuichi's cheek. The singer leaned on the hand, but kept his gaze steady on Yuki's.

"I… I shouldn't be here, Yuki…" he said, closing his eyes and putting his hand under Yuki's, the same one that's on his cheek.

"Yeah, brat, you shouldn't. You should be somewhere out there singing one of those talentless songs of yours or something." Yuki replied trying to bring back some of the old times, but was surprised when he felt warm drops of tears on his hand. Shuichi was crying again.

Shit. There he was trying to bring back old memories; he forgot where doing those things gotten him before.

He pulled Shuichi again in his embrace, tighter than he had all his life. Why is it that he always manages to hurt the idiot even if what he really wants to do is just love him? Then he felt the tears stop. He looked at Shuichi and the tears left in his eyes and he idly wondered why the singer refused to let them fall.

The silence between the two of them seemed to just drown them in memories, and yet neither one of them could utter a word of complaint. It was as if they were both afraid to ruin a rare peaceful moment in their life.

Well, as much as Yuki wanted it to stay that way for a couple of hours more, the door opened and a stoically faced Tohma entered the room.

While Yuki kept his eyes at Tohma, Shuichi kept his away.

"Eiri," Tohma said calmly, but Yuki could sense the tension that was inside the remark, "Can you please leave Mr. Shindou and me, we have… matters to talk about right now."

Yuki grunted indignantly, "this is my home, Seguchi; whatever happens in here is of my business. You, therefore, have no right to excuse me."

"In that case, let me take Mr. Shindou with me and we shall talk in private." Tohma replied almost pulling a non- resistant Shuichi off the bed and out of the room. Yuki quickly sped after them and snatched Shuichi away from Tohma's grasp.

"What's wrong with you, Seguchi?" Yuki almost shouted irritably.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _me_, Eiri? Shouldn't I be asking _you _that question? He almost drove you mad by leaving without a single word and then comes back flirting with you and then I see you who should be kicking him out at the sight embracing him instead!" Tohma replied just as irritably, after which he took a lungful of air. "I've just had a hotel room reserved for you, Mr. Shindou since, given your way of thinking, I assumed that you wouldn't have had one," he said turning his eyes on Shuichi, "I have a cab waiting downstairs for you, he shall be bringing you to he place."

Yuki had half-expected Shuichi to pull away from Tohma and hide on his back or something, but neither he nor Tohma were prepared for what he was about to say.

"I believe there's no need for that, President Tohma," Shuichi said coldly looking at Tohma with the kind of eyes so deep and empty Yuki was sure it could scare away ghosts, "I'm sorry but you assumed wrong. I've had a room reserved for me and I've been staying there since last night. I'm sorry if I was misunderstood but my reason for being in Yuki's apartment is because I believe I left some of my belongings in there, I just came to take them. Now if you'll both excuse me, I have commitments to attend to and am already running late." He added pulling his arm away from Tohma's grasp and walking back to Yuki's apartment. When he came out moments later, he was carrying a small box with a small pink rabbit ear poking out of one hole. He was hoping to have a word with Shuichi but the singer just passed them without even opening a chance for eye contact.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Hi, people. I've been trying not to change the story that much, but my dream commanded otherwise. I'm introducing my own character in this chapter, but he won't really be _that _important since I don't want him stealing the limelight from the real gravi characters….

_What the hell just happened?_ Yuki screamed at himself as he looked at Shuichi who was slowly disappearing in the distance. He looked dejectedly at Tohma who was as stoical as ever. "Nice work, Tohma," he said sarcastically.

Tohma cringed at him, so rarely had Eiri addressed him as _Tohma _and it was one of the things he never really liked. "Think what you want, Eiri, but I will not let him enter back your or my life just as easily as he exited. I'm sure Mika will agree with me on this one. Good day, Eiri, and I certainly hope it stays one." He said walking away.

Yuki was feeling stupid by now that he didn't pull Shuichi nor called him back, and there was no damn way was he going to let Shuichi walk away from him just like that. He knew that Shuichi still loved him, he felt it that he did. So why then did the singer acted that coldly afterwards? Was it because of Tohma? Yuki wasn't sure, but nonetheless he didn't care. After some time of just standing there trying to figure out what to do, which was a bad idea since his mind seemed to have just stopped working properly and he ended up just wasting his precious time, he finally decided to go back to NG. No particular reason, he just thought that maybe Shuichi will be there again having a confrontation with the president. After all, Tohma looked desperate and seemed like he won't let the day pass without having that _word _with Shuichi.

Shuichi was heaving with every breath. Damn it, this wasn't even supposed to happen, he wasn't supposed to see Yuki at all when he came back, but it seemed like fate, destiny or whatever force it was had other plans for him. He had just received a call from Tohma moments ago telling him that they really need to talk. Shuichi didn't need that either, knowing how intent the president was on keeping him and Yuki as far away from each other as possible, but he figured that the sooner he finishes all his unfinished business, the sooner he can continue on with the rest of his plans.

He had somebody bring is things to his apartment and entered the NG building for the second time that day.

"Shu-Ichi!" a familiar shriek called for him. He reluctantly looked back to see who it was and there was Sakuma Ryuichi ready to pounce on him. Shuichi wasn't quite quick enough to evade so he ended up lying on the floor with Ryuichi on top of him.

"Meanie! Where have you been all these time! Kuma and I missed you!" Ryuichi squealed while waving the pink stuffed rabbit right at Shuichi's nose.

"I'm sorry, Sakuma-san," Shuichi replied apologetically. He was tired of it knowing how many times he's apologized for that day, but then again he really didn't know what else there was to say.

"Ryuichi, calm yourself you little piece of-" K said pulling the Nittle Grasper singer, stopping his statement at the sight of Shuichi on the floor.

Shuichi sat up and brushed himself.

"You look different," the blond manager said, still carrying Ryuichi by the back of his collar. K eyed the singer. He meant every letter when he said Shuichi looked different. His hair was no longer pink; instead it was replaced by a shade of very very light brown, slightly longer than it was before. He seemed thinner, paler, and for some reason, none of the cheery vibrations he once had around him seem to be present right now. It seemed to have been replaced by that heavy, hurting aura that makes you feel like something is wrong or something's going to be wrong. His lovely purple eyes, though as beautiful as ever became empty of happiness, and it was like as if anytime, tears were gong to fall from them.

"Hello, K," Shuichi said breaking K out of his thinking state.

"It's been a long time, Shuichi," K replied shortly after he recovered from marveling at how soft Shuichi's voice had become. It was as if every word was hard to say.

"Will you sing with me again, Shuichi?" Sakuma said relieving the slight tension in the hallway.

Shuichi's eyes widened in surprise, then went back to their sadness before Shuichi shook his head, "I'm sorry, Sakuma-san, but I-"

"Shindou-san!" another familiar voice called and when Shuichi looked, right behind K was a taller Suguru running towards him, "Wow, Shindou-san, it was nice of you to remember to drop by." He said looking at the singer the same way K did.

Somehow, Shuichi felt like Suguru was thinking of the same things K was just moments ago.

"Shuichi!" another familiar voice, but this time, Shuichi didn't need to see who it was. He could tell whose voice that belonged to even if he was blind.

"Hiro…" he said, not even bothering to turn around.

"What's wrong with you, man, look at me," Hiro said turning the singer around to face him. "You're still as puny as ever," he said trying to be funny.

Shuichi wanted to cry at that moment, but he couldn't. Breathing was hard to do as it is for him, crying again for the third time that day won't do any help at all. "I see you're still as modest as ever," he said trying to match his best friend.

"Yeah, whatever," Hiro said looking down at the singer.

Sakuma placed pounced on Shuichi again, but was stopped in mid-air by K. "Shuichi, you didn't answer my question! When we will we be singing together again?!" he said cheerfully.

Shuichi looked straight at his idol, nothing else but that evident sadness in his eyes, "I- "I'm sorry, Sakuma-san, but I won't be singing anymore…"

Just after he said those words, everyone around him stared at him with disbelief.

"What are you talking about, Shu?" Hiro asked, totally bewildered.

Shuichi tightened his fists. Right then and there his chest hurt and he wanted nothing more than to spill is heart out to them, but he wouldn't. He had caused them enough trouble in the past already, if things were going to happen, he would at least spare them another ride of topsy-turvy with him.

"I- Everyone, I need to talk to the President, please excuse me," he said, making an excuse as he made his way out of the small crowd. Just as he passed Hiro, he was knocked on the jaw and was sitting on the floor.

"Bastard piece of shit you are!" a man, around nineteen to twenty was screaming at him. The said man was wearing a black sleeveless roundneck over extremely loose jeans that hanged on his waste. Shuichi didn't know who the man was or what he had done to provoke him, but then again, his memory of people wasn't exactly that reliable. "You've been gone for two years right after becoming a sensation and now that you've come back you're stealing exposure that's rightfully ours! Bullshit!" he cursed again.

"Calm yourself now, Touya," K said almost running to the guy.

Touya, as K had addressed him, had eyes burning with sheer anger, and it scared Shuichi that the anger was directed towards him.

"Don't you _calm yourself _me, K!" Touya shouted again, shoving K aside. "It took us months of hard work just to get some attention and now that we're finally being shed off some light, he comes back and suddenly becomes the talk of the town! Shit! He even pulled off that disgusting embrace thing with his fag writer and the media was there to catch the whole thing! You saw the whole thing on T.V.!" he added.

Shuichi, who finally stumbled back to his feet, looked straight at the guy, "don't say bad things about Yuki," he said calmly, restraining himself from shouting.

"Yeah whatever, maybe it's more appropriate to say your bastard of a-" Touya was instantly stunned shut when he was slapped by a very angry looking Shuichi. It didn't lighten the situation at all as Touya became more enraged, "why you son of a- who do you think you are exactly? You're disgusting, you're pathetic! Are you seriously angry that I insulted your only means of getting publicized? Shit, without the homosexual thing you had going on, I don't think you'd become half as famous as you were back then. You insulted other bands who had to work some serious ass just to-"

"Look," Shuichi said calmly, though his eyes suggested otherwise, "I really didn't mean to take your media exposure, and I'm sorry, but don't you dare say I- Yuki and I- we created that act just to get attention-"

"So now, you're going to tell me that you really _loved _him? Even the more disgusting." Touya burst even before Shuichi could finish his sentence.

Shuichi knew this would do him no good, and he could hear Hiro and Suguru trying to stop the little argument, but there's no way in hell he'd let anyone, and he means _anyone_, to insult Yuki in any way. "As a matter of fact, I do." He replied.


	5. Chapter 5

_As a matter of fact, I do…_

Yuki heard every word. He was just around the corner when he heard somebody shouting something. None of it would've mattered, if only he didn't hear Shuichi saying the words that stuck themselves into his heart. Not that he didn't know, it was just that he wondered just when will he be able to admit to the brat that he loves him too. The singer was freely exposing his feelings to Yuki and wasn't even ashamed to admit it to the world, and he, he the writer who's supposed to have a vocabulary unmatched by any normal person, can't even find the words to admit to the young man exactly how he felt.

"Oh, bullshit. You really don't have to act anymore, Shindou. I get your drift." Touya said again, more annoyed than ever. "You were famous already, getting in the limelight won't be that hard for you anymore even without the gay scandal you two are still pulling-"

"I told you, don't say bad things about Yuki," replied Shuichi, his voice becoming stronger as it became harder to contain anger. "I didn't need him to be famous, you know. I could've sung my way to the top. He inspired my songs, I'll tell you that, but I would've preferred the public not knowing our relationship. It made everything so much harder for the two of us. I don't know exactly who you are Mr. Touya, but you don't know us either, so please don't judge us. Please excuse me," Shuichi said turning to leave.

"Well then let's see how true that is," Touya shouted at him, his voice daring Shuichi to decline, "I suppose you wouldn't mind being in a small friendly competition against me, then, Mr. Shindou?"

Shuichi looked back at the man. He really just DIDN'T need this at all.

"As you see, Mr. Shindou, I'm a band singer, just as you were, so let's settle this in a friendly manner. Let's sing, one who wins is telling the truth."

Friendly manner? Hard to believe that came from someone who just knocked him nearly unconscious just moments ago. Shuichi was about to refuse. It was a rather childish proposal, and he didn't want to waste any time playing childish games. Two years ago, he would've accepted that offer, but things right now wasn't exactly going along with him.

"What a splendid idea," Tohma who suddenly appeared out of nowhere said in applause. "Why, Mr. Shindou, I see you've met my new acquisition. Mr. Touya Utada is the singer of NG's new band Shining Glory Days. I believe it would be a rather helpful exposure if you sing with him in his upcoming debut, don't you think so?" he added with a smirk, "I along with a few of my friends in the industry will be more than willing to evaluate the results, all in secret of course, as to protect the privacy of this conversation."

_Seguchi, you asshole… _Yuki thought to himself.

_Damn it… _Shuichi thought. So much for keeping a low profile…

Out of the corner, Yuki appeared, impassive expression written across his very handsome face.

Hiro would've tried his best beating up Yuki right then and there, but Shuichi was with them and even the stupidest person in the world could tell that he's still madly inlove with the freakin' writer, that was enough to keep he guitarist firmly on the ground where he stood.

"Eiri?" Tohma exclaimed in mock surprise. "Have you been listening to us all along?"

Yuki didn't answer. He damn wanted a cigarette right now, something he could just drown his anger with. It was strange thinking about smoking after all those time. Yuki realized that ever since Shuichi left, he hasn't lit a single cigarette. Of course, all happened subconsciously. He would've never given up smoking for any reason in the world.

Shuichi looked at Yuki. Damn. It was as if things weren't bad enough.

"I'll make things easier for you, Mr. Shindou," Touya said breaking the short silence, "Since you claim that you were inspired by this man," referring to Yuki, "Well then, let's sing one of your songs. If I sing it better, then you have to admit that you're conning your fans and you so called relationship with Eiri Yuki is nothing more than an act. I leave you to pick my punishment if I lose." He added confidently.

"No need," Shuichi replied instantly.

"Well then you've accepted that you've lost?" Touya said again, grinning this time.

"I didn't say I don't accept," Shuichi said in relevant calm, "I won't lose, really, but I'd rather not post any penalty. The way you're annoying me right now, all I really want you to do is disappear from existence, but I don't think your number of fans, if you have any, will agree. I owed it to them once; I'll repay them this time."

Touya's ears were red at Shuichi's remark, but the man had more sense in his head than they thought because he didn't start another fight.

"Well then, it's settled," Tohma said gesturing everybody to return to work. "Mr. Shindou, the concert is in two days so it will be greatly appreciated if you give us a copy of the song as soon as-"

"No problem," Shuichi said even before Tohma finished, "just give me a pen and a piece of paper and I'll right it down."

Yuki looked at the singer. He had even planned on abducting the singer in case Shuichi didn't play nice then they'd sort the whole thing out over some hot sex, but it seemed like nothing like that was going to happen. At least now, the singer doesn't have a chance to deny what was obvious.

Shuichi's heart was racing even as he retained a calm look on his face. How had things gotten this bad, he was too dazed to really care. He knew right then that he could still sing a song or two. It'll take a lot of effort given the condition he's in right now, but he knew he could do it even better than that haughty singer Touya could. Besides, if Yuki would be watching, it'll be his chance… could be his only chance.

After writing the song and giving a copy to that Shining Glory whatever singer, Shuichi sped straight outside, but was stopped by a familiar grip on his wrist. Before the singer knew it, he was against the wall and looking at the most beautiful pair of eyes on the planet.

"What is wrong with you, Shuichi?" Eiri asked, "We kissed and I figured you still have feelings for me, then you say that I should hate you, then you leave the moment you could and then I hear you admitting to a group of people you still love me. Tell me, which of those things should I believe and give me a good reason why?"

Shuichi was shaking, his eyes once again filled with unshed tears. Why is it that Yuki always manages to make him this weak? If only he could tell him… "I… I love you, Yuki… I want you to be happy more than anything else, and I want to be with you, believe me, I really do, I want to be happy with you…"

"Then why don't you be?" Yuki almost shouted shaking Shuichi's shoulders.

"Because, Yuki, I won't sacrifice your eternal happiness for my momentary one." Shuichi replied.

Yuki didn't understand what that meant at all, but by the look at Shuichi's eyes, he knew it was something serious and it was something that will reveal itself in time. He reluctantly let go of the small singer who walked away from him the moment he had the chance.

In his room, Shuichi laid on his bed and thought of his life. He wanted nothing more than peace right now, but it seemed like peace didn't want to cooperate. The others were bound to find out, but hell he was going to do his darn best to make sure that doesn't happen anytime soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Shuichi barely even felt the time pass, and he's had about two or three practice sessions with Shining Glory Days (by force) and soon enough it was the day of that bastard's debut. He sat backstage quite alone and staring at the ceiling. Hiro and Suguru had been there earlier, but left off when people who were setting up the instruments needed help.

His thoughts drifted to Yuki no matter how hard he tried to stray them away. Well, he should've learned his lesson a long time ago. He could never get over Yuki, never. He'll love the writer even if the world or even if destiny forbids him to. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he wouldn't have noticed Touya sitting down right beside him if he didn't fake a cough.

"Nervous?" he said trying to be the annoying jerk that he is.

Shuichi merely shook his head, eyes not even wavering from his look of the ceiling. He'd done this before and everything turned out okay, this time won't be _that_ different. He wondered how Yuki will take in the song. It was meant for the writer and for him alone. He really didn't want to sing this with anyone in particular, not even with Ryuichi, but given his current condition, it wasn't a case of what he wanted but a case of what he needed.

"By the way, Shindou," Touya said again distracting Shuichi from his thoughts, "I hope you can keep up with me," he bragged, "I wouldn't want my debut wrecked by a con artist, now would I?"

Shuichi merely looked straight at him in a way that Touya had not prepared himself to. They were the kind of eyes that wished they had what you have, the kind of eyes that plead for life. "Yes. I hope I can still keep with you, Touya." Shuichi replied humbly as he leaned his head down.

_Shit. What was that all about?_ Touya asked himself the moment he stepped out of the door leaving Shuichi alone. The song they'll sing together will be the last one. He will show Shuichi just how good he is and he will make the singer admit that he's been faking his relationship with that damn writer. The moment he saw the lyrics of the song, he flinched. It seemed like a love song. It was good and all, especially when Shuichi played them the melody it would be accompanied with, but he was an aspiring rock star, damn it! Nevertheless, he'd show Shuichi just how well he could sing this song; he will make him feel so low he'd beg to be his personal assistant. Touya grinned at the thought. Jeez. He certainly was being evil today.

Before long, someone called Shuichi from the room. It was time for him to sing with that bastard. He might not like Touya that much, but the song they'll be singing could possibly be the last song he'll sing, so he'll do it like his life depends on every right note he hits.

"_Okay everyone, we've arrived at our last song. As promised, we have a special guest tonight!" _The crowd went wild. _"He hasn't been around for a while, but I'm pretty sure you remember him. Come on out, Shuichi Shindou!" _

Shuichi stepped from backstage and instantly the crowd went bang. It was louder than an atomic bomb hitting another atomic bomb. Touya spoke a couple of more times to the audience before the intro of the song began and Shuichi prepared himself for it. He felt the familiar rush of adrenaline on his veins, his muscles were shaking and his heart was racing so fast that for the first time in quite a while, he felt like he was truly alive.

Touya sang the first part of the song and so Shuichi did only a second voicing, supporting him when that bastard needed to get his tune right.

_I've been spending some time _

_Thinking I'd be alright _

_Don't know if I could really make it tonight_

_Lie awake in the dark_

_Come down then I start_

_Thinking about you_

_Is almost breaking my heart_

_I don't know where I went wrong _

_Or what's going on_

_Baby, I feel like our love's lost tonight_

_Should I stay, should I go_

_Well I really don't know_

_Lately I've been missing you so_

_Baby, you don't understand_

_Our love lies lost_

_But you're still holding my hand_

_Oh and then you walk away_

_Just tonight_

_I want you to stay_

And then they sang the chorus together.

_You're turning me on_

_You turn me around_

_You turn my whole world upside down_

_You're turning me on_

_You turn me around_

_You turn my whole world upside down_

Touya kept looking at Shuichi while he was singing. He was looking for signs that Shuichi was impressed, but was dismayed when he couldn't find any. This made him so uneasy he even missed out on some notes, leaving the other singer to make up for his mistakes.

Touya had a flash of evil and decided not to sing second voice as Shuichi sang.

Now it was time for Shuichi's part of the song. He looked around the stadium, feeling like there's a pair of eyes he should be looking at right now. And his gaze fell on them. Yuki was staring at him from the farthest side of the stadium. Shuichi can see him clearly despite the distance, and decided to sing this song as if only he and Yuki were the only ones listening to it.

_Every time I hurt you_

_Well it's hurting me too_

_Don't know if I could really stay here tonight_

_Tired of thinking of you_

_And everything that you do_

_Tell me what am I supposed to do_

_Well I just wanted to say_

_That I need you today_

_Tell me it's all gonna work our alright_

_I don't where I should start_

_But with all of my heart_

_Baby let me be your lover tonight_

He offered the song all the passion he could give, all the love there was inside of him and all the tears he left for the writer. Whether or not he was missing on notes or slipping, he didn't care

_Oh and then you walk away_

_Just tonight_

_I want you to stay_

_You're turning me on_

_You turn me around_

_You turn my whole world upside down_

_You're turning me on_

_You turn me around_

_You turn my whole world upside down_

Shining Glory Day's singer didn't like what was happening at all. He didn't like being the one below, being the one at awe, but at the moment, he couldn't help but feel so. Bad Luck's former singer was beyond fantastic, no words in the English dictionary could ever describe it. Touya was regretful that he challenged _this _angel. When had the singer become _this _good? He didn't know; he wanted to know, but right then and there at the moment, nothing but the seemingly angelic melody of the song could occupy his mind. The song was just too full of love, too full of passion, every word, every note seem to reveal something more hidden beneath it.

Yuki couldn't believe his ears. Was it really Shuichi singing? _His _Shuichi? The song was just full of emotions he felt his heart was about to give up from all the melancholy it carried, the sadness it echoed, the love that it poured. Furthermore, Shuichi was looking straight at him as if he was his only audience; sure it made him proud, it made him happy, like the song was for him alone to enjoy, but there was an uneasy feeling that Shuichi was trying to send him a message.

Ryuichi (who became the music god that he is the moment he beat of Shuichi's song started) couldn't believe his senses. He knew that Shuichi, being who he is, pulls his vocal power from emotions inside of him, he had seen that many times before; like when Shuichi sang for the man he liked for the first time (it was good enough), and the time he tried to sing when he was still broken hearted because that same man left him off somewhere (which turned out good _vocally _but was so empty he wouldn't even call it a song). But hearing Shuichi sing this song was no doubt to become an object of envy, even from a legend like Sakuma Ryuichi himself. This song had surpassed everything and every song he had ever sung. Why then did Shuichi say he wouldn't be singing anymore? If his songs had gotten _this _superb, then he should perform it for the world in every waking moment he has.

**A/N**: The song is entitled _upside down _by Filipino band called 6cyclemind. I don't know if you'll like it but I adore the song and I thought it would be the best song for the story I'm trying to write. I think youtube has a vid so you can check it out. In case you like the song and decide to download it but can't find it in the web, just send me ur email ads and I'll send you a copy.


	7. Chapter 7

The crowd was quiet the whole time Shuichi was singing. It was as if they shared the feeling of heartache the singer was trying to convey to the song and decided to drown themselves in it. It was only after the said song was finished that the whole stadium was roaring from the screams it brought.

Shuichi bowed and then left for the backstage. From there he heard Touya give his exit remarks. He couldn't believe it was finally over. It was heaven while it lasted, definitely, but now that it was over, he found that he could hardly breathe. It's been quite a while since he kept his breath that long at his body is no longer giving him the energy he once was able to derive from it. He was too preoccupied with his trying to keep his breathing steady hat he had hardly noticed most of the crew around him.

The backstage, unlike the front, was quiet, too quiet, it seemed, yet everyone seems to be thinking of the same thing.

Yuki was standing far away from he crowd that had gathered around Shuichi. Unlike the fangirls outside, he crowd was soundlessly marveling at the singer. He wanted to just run and have Shuichi back in his arms, tell him those three words the singer had wanted to hear, but his feet, and his whole body for that matter, just didn't want to move from the safe location he's in right now.

"Wow Shuichi that was awesome!" Hiro, who came in to finally break the tensional silence, screeched like an excited kid. "You sure had me surprised!"

"Shuichi Shuichi shining shiny!" Sakuma arrived hopping like the rabbit he was carrying; right beside him was K and Suguru agreeing silently.

Everyone expected Shuichi to look up with his big eyes shining and scream his lungs out a remark like _we did it people_ or something like that, but he merely giggled and kept his stare on his foot.

When Shining Glory Days entered, the crew went wild and congratulated them for a job well done.

When Shuichi was sure that the attention was completely diverted to the band (even Hiro, Sakuma, K and Suguru were shoved off somewhere by a big man in a black tight shirt), he walked away looking for a vending machine. He hoped that drinking something, anything, right now would help ease his difficulty in breathing, if only just temporarily.

Yuki saw Shuichi walking away from the crowd, wavering slightly. Perfect chance to finally have some private moments with him, he thought. Just when he was about to walk forward, Shuichi stumbled and totally fell shoulder first on the floor.

The writer watched in horror as Shuichi's body slowly came in contact with he concrete ground, bouncing slightly once before he lay on his side, unmoving. Quickly, Yuki made his way to the boy and held him in his arms trying to calm himself saying Shuichi just passed out from being tired. But when he felt cold skin on his touch, he looked at the singer and found him turning blue. It seemed like a while when he realized that the boy wasn't breathing at all.

"Shuichi! Shuichi!" he called out slightly shaking the singer. Remembering that you shouldn't move somebody unconscious, Yuki forced his mind to think rationally.

The others in the hallway stopped marveling on the band and finally realized that there was somebody lying dead unconscious right behind them. Somebody screamed followed by chaos.

Hiro and K managed not to let them circle while Yuki performed first aid resuscitation on the bluing Shuichi.

Yuki gave him a mouth-to-mouth before pressing on the boy's chest several times.

First time… no response _Damn it! Okay, don't panic…_

Second time… no response _Shuichi wake up now!_

Third time… no response _Shuichi Damn it wake up this instant and I'll kiss you so hard you'll wish you never had lips!_

Still, nothing happened. Yuki was madly shaking Shuichi's body, giving up rationality, and was at the verge of crying when Shuichi coughed for the firs time… then for the second time…

"Shit Shuichi! What's wrong with you!" Yuki cried out almost unknowingly when he pulled Shuichi to his chest, "I thought you were going to die you idiot!"

When Shuichi didn't respond, he looked at the singer and noticed that his breathing was still irregular. "Somebody, call an ambulance!" he shouted but was greeted by a siren. Apparently, somebody who had a common sense already did and he assumed that that _somebody _must be Seguchi's cousin.

Yuki waited impatiently outside the emergency room along with the others. Worried as he was, he was still totally clueless, and he hated it. Shuichi's been acting weird ever since he came back, that being said with the image of the _normal _Shuichi as basis. The singer acted more mature, too mature actually, and nobody really grows up that much in two years, nobody. It was as if something happened that forced the transformation, and damn hell Yuki wanted to know what that something is.

Finally, the door opened and the doctor told them that they could see Shuichi in the room, but two at a time.

"What's wrong with him?" Yuki asked frantically.

"I'm sorry, but only relatives should be given-"

"Cut the bullshit, Doctor!" the writer almost shouted, totally pissed off. He was going to find out what's wrong with Shuichi right _now _and no damn doctor's going to tell him otherwise.

There was a gunshot that made everyone in the hallway ducked. Yuki looked behind him and K was pointing his revolver at the doctor, "what's wrong with him…" the manager said.

Yuki, even though he detested admitting it or even taking the thought of it, almost wanted to bow and thank that insane man because right then and there, the doctor started babbling a million words per second. Yuki wouldn't have understood anything from it hadn't his hearing adjusted to Shuichi's way of speaking a long time ago.

However, fast as his mind was able to take it all in, none of his comprehensive abilities wanted to acknowledge what he had just heard.

_Shuichi has been suffering from emphysema. Basically, that means his lungs are no longer letting enough residual carbon dioxide exit, giving him the effect that he's drowning out of water. It seems like he's in the last stage of it, he's been diagnosed about two years ago and I have no idea whether or not he's been taking proper medications since I've had no contact with him since the day I told him he had it. Right now, I'm actually surprised that he's not under any means of artificial respiration; breathing as it is must be extremely hard for him right now._

Emphysema? Yuki repeated in his mind. Two years ago?

Two years ago Shuichi started to act a little differently. Two years ago, on that day, Shuichi wanted to tell him something, something _important_, the singer said. Two years ago, he completely ignored Shuichi's plea and shoved him out of the room so he could resume to his writing. Two years ago, Shuichi left him and everything else in the world that Yuki knows.

_Eiri, you bastard. You disregarded him like he was a blasted piece of shit and you left him alone. You left him alone with a disease that's taking away his life. Bullshit! _He mentally cursed himself.

Shuichi's crowd of known people was dumfounded. Yuki could feel the change in the formerly cheerful air. How were they supposed to handle that situation? How was _he _going to handle the situation?


	8. Chapter 8

Yuki opened the door to Shuichi's private room. The singer was sitting on the bed looking at… he seemed to be looking at nothing at all. His lips were parted slightly, and although his face showed a blank expression, his eyes were so empty they looked like the eyes of the dead. Yuki shrugged at the idea.

The writer didn't know whether to kill him, or kiss him. Why hadn't the singer told him? Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he force Yuki to listen to him on that day two years ago?

Why hadn't he listened to Shuichi? Why hadn't he listened to his instincts that something was wrong? Damn it why did he let Shuichi go?!

Yuki finally decided Shuichi didn't need to be the object of his frustration right now. The doctor warned them not to make Shuichi feel any extreme emotion, otherwise Shuichi's heart will start beating either too fast or too strong it'd make his breathing erratic and… well, Yuki knows what happens after that.

The mattress tilted from the additional weight and woke up Shuichi from his daydream. The singer looked at Yuki instantly, the writer's heart melted. He hadn't noticed it before, (the singer probably used some sort of make-up to lessen the effect) but Shuichi was unusually paler than how he used to be. The old glow on his cheeks were gone and replaced by the dead color of white, as if Shuichi was a ball of snow.

"Yuki…" he said softly as he smiled sweetly, albeit his eyes remained cheerless.

The writer caressed Shuichi's cheek. How many times during his absence had he longed to touch him like this…

"Shu-" Yuki tried to say, but he was cut short when Shuichi leaned in to his chest.

"Do you hate me, Eiri…" Shuichi asked softly, so close to Yuki's chest that even through the clothes, Yuki felt his breath.

The writer swallowed a lump on his throat along with a cry that he supposed would've come with it. How could Shuichi ask that question? Hadn't he made it obvious through his actions that he loved him? True that he never really said out loud that he loves the singer, but they always say actions speak louder than words and so he let his actions speak… but now that he thought about it, which part of his actions would've told Shuichi that he truly did love him.

If Yuki remembered it correctly, he always shouted at Shuichi, always shoved him out of the room whenever he had a deadline to meet or even when he just wants some quiet, always told the singer to keep quiet at night or else let him sleep at the couch… jeez! What kind of loving actions were _those_? If anything else, the only times he made Shuichi feel that he loved him was through his kisses, through his touches whenever they're about to have sex… but that only made the whole thing seem like he made Shuichi his pet whore. Damn it! What if that's what Shuichi's thinking?

All these clumsy thoughts were rolling inside the writer's head when he felt Shuichi tighten his grasp at his shirt. Yuki looked at the purple eyes he loved so much and saw pure love in them. Even with the pain and despondency, the singer managed to show love… it hurt Yuki inside that he missed those eyes for so long…

"Why don't you hate me… Yuki… it would be so much easier if you did…" Shuichi said in a voice so soft it could be called a whisper.

Yuki grasped the singer's arms. He was too angry the first time that he did he didn't notice that the arms had gotten thinner. He was burning inside; mixed emotions were running through his veins, throughout his whole body that he shook. "I…" he wanted to say something, make Shuichi feel safe and secured, but somehow, even being the celebrated writer that he is, he could not find the right words to utter. He knew they must be there somewhere, but he feared that he was such a bastard he could say it the wrong way and ruin the moment instead of make one. "I…" he tried again, "damn it! Shuichi! Do you know how hard this is for me?! I don't know the hell where you went and then you came back… just when I was feeling hopeful that I could make up to you, you started acting weird… when you sang me that song I knew you still loved me… but now I find out you're sick and damn hell now you're telling me that I should hate you? Which part of that's supposed to make sense for me you idiot?"

He spat out the last two words out of habit but now that he realized it, saying them was probably one of he stupidest things he'd ever done his whole life.

Shuichi just tightened his hold on the writer's shirt making unmistakable creases. He was about to cry again, despite his doctors' warnings about not letting extreme emotions get to him. How was he supposed to stop himself from feeling emotions anyway? Having emotions kept him sane, the feeling of love gave him inspirations for his songs and it kept him warm during those cold timeless hours he spent alone, the feeling of love kept him alive, now they're telling him that those same emotions could actually kill him? God help him. When tears were about to fall, Yuki's warm hands on his cheeks stopped them short.

Yuki looked at Shuichi the way he did countless times before when he thought that the singer was sleeping. Truth be told he never wanted Shuichi to see him like that; it made him feel like every inch of his weakness was being exposed and he feared that if the singer knew he had such vulnerability, the singer would walk away. But at that time, at that very moment, they were both weak and at their breaking points; their only salvation is to cling to each other for the tiniest bit of comfort.

"Do you…" he was almost afraid to ask. Even if Shuichi lied, he feared that part of him will believe the lie anyway and end up leaving the singer all alone again, but Yuki needed the words. Even though he felt it the same way he felt the heat from the sun and cold from the snow, he needed the actual words, the actual admittance, "Do you still love me, Shuichi?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: Hey guys, I got some really nice reviews, thanks to all! If you think it took me a long time to upload this, I'm so sorry, but it's as fast as I could go considering all the things I have to go through as a student… crazy all these minor subjects… I'm introducing another character of mine in this chapter and he's really not supposed to be _that _important, except I need him to uncover some things about Shuichi's condition. I am not really that familiar with the disease that I chose so please forgive me (bangs her head on the table)! Oh, and I'm sorry if words and scenes somehow seem redundant, I can't help it… anyway… please bear with me while I think of anything interesting to add,,, and suggestions are very much welcome…

"Do you still love me, Shuichi?" Yuki asked.

Shuichi couldn't believe his ears. Hadn't he made that obvious enough when he sang the song? Of course he still loves the writer, if anyone, Yuki should know that the most. Why then did he have to ask? Well, would it have mattered? The answer was simply a _no_. It just didn't.

"Of course I still love you, Yuki…" he said softly but every word clear and audible. Breathing right then and there was difficult enough as it is, but having finally said the words made Shuichi feel free inside, somehow released. He had never told anyone else that he loved them, and saying the words to the only one he did love made him feel like he was out of his cage. The wonders of being loved is one thing, but the wonders of loving is just as magnificent.

Yuki was just relieved to hear those words again, but happy as he was, he also felt another tug of the slightest hint of anger, with which exactly, he wasn't quite sure. "Then why? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you write a letter or sent an email or something? Why did you just disappear and then…" he couldn't continue the words because anything that would've made sense was drowned by silent cries.

"Oh Yuki…" Shuichi said returning an embrace Yuki wasn't even aware he was giving.

Yuki himself thought that it was a stupid question he could answer all by himself. He drove Shuichi away, that's why. He could almost hear himself shouting those words and he realized just how painful they must've been for Shuichi to hear.

Behind the door, Touya held a slightly crumpled piece of paper, a paper where Shuichi's song was written. He did thought that the singer was being hypocritical for saying that he did love the well known bastard called Eiri Yuki, but right then, hearing the words being said by the oblivious couple, he felt guilt overwhelm him. Never had he known love so pure it hurt even him. He had indeed lost against Shuichi, in more ways than one.

"Shuichi Shuichi shiny shiny!" a rather chirpy Sakuma Ryuichi said bouncing his way in Shuichi's room hours after the couple had exchanged words. Thank goodness he was such a chirpy and somewhat crazy singer; his attitude seemed to have lightened the atmosphere building up.

"Sakuma-san!" Shuichi said trying to express as much excitement in his voice that he could, which wasn't really much.

"Shuichi was great! Shuichi shining shining! Shuichi should sing more!" Ryuichi replied bouncing up and down again.

There was a change of expression in Shuichi's eyes going from totally happy to somewhat aching.

"Yes, Shindou-kun, I do believe you've reached a level considered to be a force to reckon with," a very formal Tohma added coming from behind the Nittle Grasper Singer. "You would be most welcome if you decide to continue your cut-short career. I'm sure the music world would love to have you back."

Yuki knew Tohma was speaking of pure business. Although his tone sounded like he was really amused, his eyes remained steady and somehow hiding a glint of wrath. It was a dangerous look in his eyes, and the writer knew that in spite of the flattering words, no way was the president close to forgiving the singer for his past actions, whatever reasoned them.

Shuichi reached for Yuki's hand and squeezed it lightly. Every word stung as if they were knives piercing through his very soul. Had Sakuma and Tohma said those words long before that moment, he would've been very in cloud nine, relishing every second of it; but it was different this time, and instead of contentment, all he really felt was a miserable sadness.

Yuki was surprised when the singer took his hand and squeezed it. He was sure Shuichi loved being praised, especially when it came to the power of his voice, so he wondered exactly what could've been troubling him.

"I-"

"I'm afraid that won't be possible," a voice coming from behind them surprised them all.

Right behind the door stood a red-head, tall, lean and serious looking though his face showed youth. He was wearing a lab gown and carrying what seemed to be a report.

"You!" Shuichi almost shouted out of sheer shock, "What are you-"

"I'm hurt, Shuichi," said the red-head, "I didn't think you'd leave without even telling me."

The room was silent for a while before Yuki even thought of asking, "Who are you?" he stood up asking almost dumbly.

The red-head walked towards them, towards Shuichi who instantly looked at his lap, still holding the writer's hand.

Before the red-head could fully reach for Shuichi, Yuki managed to step right in front of him, "I asked a question." He said calmly.

"Ah. You must be Eiri Yuki," the red-head replied ignoring the remark, "I am Doctor Adams," he added confidently slowly forming a smile that would've unnerved anyone who didn't have Yuki's guts. "I'm surprised you heard nothing of me from our dear little singer here," he said glancing at Shuichi who kept his eyes averted somewhere else.

"Shuichi and Ryu-chan are going to sing together again!" Ryuichi broke the tension in the room.

Julian merely took a step back away from Yuki and looked at the famous music legend, his serious eyes instantly changed expressions and looked at Ryuichi the way most doctors look at children, eyes cheery and all that.

"I'm sorry, Ryu-chan," Julian Adams said placing his hand at the childish Ryuichi, "I'm afraid Shindou-kun can't really do that anymore."

"But why? Why!" Ryuichi stomped his feet on the ground indignantly. A short silence ensued followed by Ryuichi's reverting back to his mature form, "can you tell me why Shuichi is no longer allowed to sing?" he was pulled back by Tohma who also looked at Julian with a hint of suspicion, though his face somehow betrayed him showing the unmistakable signs of curiosity.

Shuichi crumpled the bed sheets on his lap. Julian was going to tell them and he could do nothing to stop him. He wanted nothing more than to delay everything from happening, he wanted to stop Julian right there, gag his mouth or something, but he found that he couldn't really move from his spot. Feeling all heavy inside, he found it harder and harder to take each breath until he realized that he could barely breathe.

Yuki felt the change of expression just from the singer's loosening hold. Looking back at Shuichi, he noticed that the singer was turning a hue of pale blue. "Shuichi?" he asked doing his best not to jump into any kind of conclusions, but the singer looked up at him heaving with each breath he was taking.

Yuki's insides shook with fear and every second seemed like an eternity as he watched Shuichi fall back on his bed. "Shuichi!" he screamed out when the singer was completely laid back on the bed.

His scream instantly brought the other's attention to them.

Julian pushed Yuki back while he checked Shuichi's condition. The writer didn't like the doctor putting his hands on the singer, _it's just the way he looks at him… _but decided that he really couldn't do anything since Shuichi's very life may well depend on him.


	10. Chapter 10

When chaos had been dealt with and when Shuichi was stable (words by the infamous doctor), Julian Adams faced the group waiting for an explanation.

Hiro had just arrived about five minutes ago with Shuichi's family. Apparently, even they didn't know the singer was back in Japan (_geez, whatever happened to the cable T.V. and six-o'clock news?)_ and rushed to see their son.

Yuki looked around. Everyone and the only ones who knew what Shuichi had was with him, but he couldn't help wanting to talk to this doctor alone, feeling like there'd be more to their talk than medical words and terminologies. The writer didn't know if Adams was reading his mind or what, but he knew there was something because the doctor cleverly and deliberately maneuvered events so that they could talk alone.

The door closed behind them and he looked around the doctor's office. Walls were painted delicate hues of beige and light browns, files arranged properly over a small rectangular table that resided on the corner. All in all, it was a neat room, and he would've taken more time examining it so that he may put the image of the room in his next novel, but right then he had more pressing matters to attend to.

Being alone with Adams in the room would probably unleash some of the devil inside of him, but he was going to wait the time the doctor manages to pull something imprudent first before he makes any move.

"So, Mr. Uesagi…" Dr. Adams addressed formally, "I have-"

"Spare me the monologue, Adams." Yuki interrupted loosing some of his cool, "I didn't come here to listen to nonsensical greetings whatsoever. We have things to discuss, and I prefer you spill them all or should I prod you to do so?"

Julian didn't look as surprised as Yuki expected him to be, but then again, if that happened, Adams won't be the new wuss he's learning to hate.

The doctor laughed a bit bitterly, eyes closed, his brows somehow furrowed, but when the laughter faded and he looked at Yuki, his eyes were screaming anger, "Do you have any idea how much I loathe you, Yuki Eiri?" he said gritting his teeth.

_No, but I have a feeling you'd get to the point of telling me anyway_, Yuki said inwardly. No way was he going to give in to the urge of punching this red-head this early in the conversation.

"When Shu… when Shindou came to me, I thought I must be the luckiest person alive." Julian said looking directly at the writer, eyes never wavering and unblinking, "I'm half-Japanese, you see, and I'm a big fan, but when I saw him like that, it broke me inside that I, of all people had to."

_Great, he's going to tell me his life story…_ Yuki was just beginning to think when suddenly Adams attacked him blindly. After recovering from an initial shock, Yuki rubbed his jaw, surprised that he hadn't hit the doctor back. "Shit! What's wrong with you?!"

"Bullshit! Eiri Yuki! What is it with you that Shuichi saw to make him fall so hard? You're a hopeless jerk and all he could do was love you? Damnit!" The doctor finally shouted back at him, and Yuki realized just how much the doctor had been straining his limits. "If he were mine…" he added pressing his lips together.

_Shit_. Yuki thought. Seems like he and this annoying doctor something else in common other than being big pains to each other. He wanted another cigarette, but damn he hadn't even bought any. His anger had now been almost completely replaced by curiosity and jealousy. Exactly what had Shuichi been doing with this guy in America? He didn't realize that he was thinking out loud and had actually said he words clear enough for Adams to hear. Eiri was caught off guard when his remark unexpectedly solicited an uncanny reaction, a giggle, from the red-head.

After some time, when the laughs had faded along with the tension in the room, Adams' eyes were almost watery, "I'm sorry…" he said softly. "It's at least nice to know you see me as a threat…"

"I don't get you at all," Yuki said looking as stoic as ever, though deep inside he really was just pissed off. How dare this guy laugh at him like that? He decided he didn't any of this and that he needed to know about Shuichi. "Look, Dr. Adams, we can stand here and pretend we're friends or anything, but I'd rather know if Shuichi will be okay. I do believe he's your patient?" he said trying to sound annoying, but ended up sounding worried instead.

The doctor reverted to his serious self and fixed his glasses which hanged loosely over his nose. "Sure." He said looking at papers on his desk. "Well, I'll be blunt with you, Yuki. Truth is, I'm surprised he's still alive."

Eiri felt as though he had been hit in the stomach by a raging bull. _I'm surprised he's still alive _rang in his head as if they were the only words he knew to speak. "What do you mean?" he asked when he finally felt that he had the voice to ask.

"You realize that my telling you about this might actually endanger my career as a doctor, don't you?" Adams replied as if ignoring Eiri's question, but proceeded to answer anyway, "Breathing as of now must be quite a labor for him, he should at least be under any respirator, but he's being stubborn won't allow him to get one." He said lifting up a piece of paper from his file. "I don't like you, Eiri, just as I'm sure you don't like me either, but he loves you and I love him, the least I can do is make sure he's happy until the day we both dread comes…" he finished dropping the piece of paper onto Yuki's hand before walking out of the room, leaving Yuki alone to contemplate on what those words meant.

Yuki looked at the piece of paper in his hand only to realize that it was a picture. The same picture that was stuck on his lighter; the only picture he and Shuichi are together. Another pang of guilt seemed to have hit his insides. When Shuichi left, he brought nothing… nothing but this picture. How had Adams laid his hand on this, he wasn't quite sure. A small drop of liquid fell on the picture and Yuki quickly wiped it off before realizing the small drops continued to fall. He was crying and didn't even know he was until he figured out that the source of teardrops were his own eyes. Shit, the pain is even making him feel dumb and stupid. After feeling that his tears had seized falling, he absentmindedly walked out of the office.

It took him a moment before he realized that he was already standing right in front of Shuichi's door. He was going to open it when he heard people talking from inside, well, shouting was more like it.

"What's wrong with you, Shu?" it was the familiar voice of Hiro, so rare hade Yuki heard the guitarist shout at his best friend, "the doctor said you should be under a- something- to help you breathing, but you don't want to? What's up with that? Don't tell me you're trying to pull your death closer, damn it, because I just won't allow you to-"

"Oh, calm down, Hiro," said Shuichi in a voice calm but loud enough to be heard from where Yuki was standing, "I just don't want to be under that respirator, it doesn't mean I'm excited to die or anything…"

Yuki's insides turned when he heard the word… _die… _

"Then why he hell-"

"It's just that…" the singer replied in a softer voice, "it's just I don't want Yuki to see me like that. I don't know if he ever really loved me, Hiro, but I know this much, he doesn't like seeing me like some dying patient; it hurts him, and I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have…"

Another piece of Yuki's heart crumbled. He almost started hating himself. It was again because of him. Why was it that the Shuichi always thought of him and what _he _felt? Why can't the singer be selfish and just think of his own life for once? Yuki felt like a brat feeling guilty for something he didn't mean to do. Images of Shuichi under a respirator flashed in his mind, and damn hell he realized that Shuichi was right; he _didn't _want to see the singer like that, just the false images were making him sick, how much more if it was the real thing?

Finally getting enough strength to hold back insufferable emotions inside of him, he reached for the door knob and opened the door, only to be awed by the most beautiful scene he head ever seen in his 24 years of life.

Shuichi was sitting on his bed, lap below covered by soft wavy blankets, white shirt clinging to his lean body, the singer had his eyes closed, face glistening as the moonlight blanched his features, brown hair moving as soft spring wind entered the room. Yuki felt like he was dreaming, and an angel sat right in front of him oblivious of his worshipping gaze. Time had stopped for him and all that he could hear was a sad song along with the drumming of his heart…


	11. Chapter 11

"Oh, you're there…" Hiro's voice shook the blonde out of his reverie. He was back in the real world and hated every moment of it. He had just been standing there for about a few seconds but it felt like he'd been dreaming for ages, and the dream was so much better than the real thing.

In his daydream, there was a brown haired angel, healthy, strong with life flowing and coursing through his every veins and was smiling at him as if the smile was for him to own. Why did he have to wake up from that?

In this real world, all he had was a dying Shuichi…

Yuki stepped inside paying no heed to Hiro's earlier remark. "How are you, brat?" he said addressing Shuichi the way he normally did, though right now he wanted to say sweeter un-Yuki-ish words.

"I'm fine, Yuki…" Shuichi readily answered with a smile, whether false or not, Yuki couldn't be sure.

Somehow, the guitarist and said best friend of the singer sensed the need of the two to have solitude, excused himself and went out of the room closing the door behind him and leaving former lovers quite alone.

Now Yuki wasn't a psychologist, but he knew his way around people and how to handle unfamiliar novel situations, however, as his eyes bore themselves into Shuichi's purple ones, he'd lost all reasons and all words he'd worked so hard to learn. Silence had its own dictionary just as emotions have their own fairy tales.

"Do I have something on my face?" Shuichi asked innocently tilting his head and lifting a hand touching his own cheek. The question was not a pretense though.

Yuki shook his head to wake up from the trance. They needed coherent words. "No, idiot." He answered. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to say Shuichi's name aloud, as if the name had been tabooed and saying it would break something that kept his composure alive.

Shuichi smiled at him again. _Don't smile at me like that! _Yuki thought, too late when he realized he had really spouted the whole thing out.

The singer tore his gaze away and looked at his lap. Whatever he was thinking was totally unreadable from Yuki's perspective. The brat used to be predictable in many ways, something he manipulatively exploited many times before. But things were different this time, and somehow Shuichi had matured more than Yuki could've ever fathomed. Was time that really so short for the singer that he grew up more in those two years than someone he knew could do so in six years?

"I'm pathetic, right, Yuki?" the singer asked much to the blonde's surprise.

_Yes, you're pathetic. You're pathetic because you're not with me_, Yuki's thoughts went on, and he clenched his teeth as to make sure that this time he wouldn't let the thought bring itself to words.

"Have you talked to your family?" was apparently all that the writer could come up with.

Shuichi nodded, "yes. Same thing happens, they ask me to come home, I decline, Maiko gets angry, parents frustrated… the usual…" replied Shuichi so casually it could actually sting anyone who wasn't Yuki Eiri.

"Why don't you move in with me again?" a statement unforeseen by the two of them. Yuki startled himself by asking that, but did his best not to show it. Shuichi seemed to be in awe, mouth slightly open just as eyes darted to the writer showed nothing but innocent surprise. For a moment, the sadness etched there was gone, until those purple eyes returned to their previous appearance and filled with unshed tears.

The singer shook his head and looked back at the open window. "I… can't do that, Yuki." He said in almost a soundless whisper, but was heard nonetheless.

"Why?" the blonde readily asked, mind still not back to it's usual _I'm the ruthless heartless bastard that will kick you out when you do something I don't like _attitude that he usually wore when talking to Shuichi before.

"Because…" Shuichi replied, "because…" he repeated but no other words followed. Instead, there was a soft, almost infant-like giggle, "I want to lie to you so that you'll leave me alone, Yuki, but somehow I can't bring myself to do it…"

"Tell the truth then," Yuki said quickly, earning another soft giggle.

"Well, because, Yuki… I still love you… and will want in many ways to show you that but won't be able to do so anymore because my… condition won't permit me to…" the former singer replied slowly as if trying not to strain his breath.

The door banged open and a very angry Mika Seguchi entered, passed through Yuki and slapped a stunned Shuichi.

"Why are you even back in Japan?!" She shouted pulling Shuichi by the collar of his shirt, "you should've just stayed in wherever hell you were! Everything became fine when you weren't around! Yuki was fine when you weren't around! The media finally stopped knocking on our doors wanting to know how our family takes your being in a relationship with him, Tohma was finally untroubled by trying to keep everyone's noses off you're antics and-" she was held back by nurses pulling her out of the room.

"Please Seguchi-san! This is a hospital! Mr. Shindou needs rest and-"

"I'll send him to eternal rest if that's what he needs!" Mika shouted doing her best to pull herself away from the nurses' grasps.

Yuki watched unmoving and in complete awe as his sister struggled. He never knew Mika was actually observing them beyond their thoughts.

It took quite some time before the nurses, now accompanied by guards were finally able to pull her out of the room and calm her somewhere else. An awkward silence was back disturbed only by the noise outside.

Yuki's eyes drifted to Shuichi who lifted his hand to touch his cheek, red and slightly bruised from the strength of the slap (damn Mika could be a barbarian sometimes). The blonde stepped closer ready to place his hand over Shuichi's but was stopped dead two centimeters close.

"Don't touch me…" Shuichi said softly, eyes partially hidden by the shadows cast upon by his hair, "just… don't…"

But Yuki proceeded anyway, placing his hand above Shuichi's small one lying on the side of the bed. The singer pulled it out of his touch and now had both his hands on is cheek.

"I told you not to touch me, Yuki…" he said, voice shaking, "I… I knew that I shouldn't have come back here to Japan. I told myself I wouldn't, really I did… I knew that coming back here would make them angry, that I'd just hurt the people that I know… but I had to be selfish, didn't I? I had to be back to see you, I had to come here to see you and ruin all of your lives again… I had to be the selfish bastard that I am…"

Before Yuki knew it, Shuichi was in his embrace. What was he talking about? What form of selfishness was there in wanting to be happy for probably the last time? He half expected the singer to cry, shed tears leaving his suit wet from all the weeping, but surprisingly, he didn't. Eiri realized that crying would've probably made the singer suffocate, and he damned every breathing thing there was out there who didn't deserve that privilege. One should cry when one needed to burst out emotions, but Shuichi was even denied of that… the world could be so unfair.

"I just… wanted to see you for the last time…" said Shuichi pounding his tiny fist on Yuki's chest. It was so weak it didn't even hurt a bit. The irony though was that Yuki wanted it to hurt, if at least share the pain Shuichi must be feeling right now.

"I love you…"


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**: Okay people, it's only right and polite to read the author's notes. Anyway, tried my best to write in a Shuichi POV, but if you think it's not right or no way tapping into that singer's mind, please do tell by reviewing. Anyone who wants a particular scene done can PM me, no promises though coz I have the whole story I my mind already. Still, if you guys have suggestions, I'm open. Oh, and I finally found out what OOC meant after countless sleepless nights of thinking (I'm serious) without asking you guys because I thought it was stupid that I didn't know, but right now I have to confess. _Out of character, _nee?

_I love you…_

Who actually said those words? Yuki couldn't be sure. The moment took its toll on him and he couldn't bring himself to full understanding. He didn't care if Shuichi wanted to move in with him or not. Angels hate him for being a self-centered bastard, but no way was he going to leave Shuichi in somebody else's care. If he had to stop writing just so he could look after the singer, he would. He had indulged too much in writing fictional love that he let his own love story suffer, well, not anymore.

Shuichi remembered the hospital, Hiro, Mika, and of course, Eiri Yuki. His body felt heavy and he knew he wasn't quite awake yet, hell he could even be dreaming, but he knew something was real, and that's the soft touch running through his hair.

Yuki looked at a certain brown-haired singer sitting beside him in the car. He had to go through a lot to get him there though he wasn't planning on revealing them to the singer at all. He had a lot of people to talk to, women to seduce and strings to pull, and a particular red-head doctor to argue with, but seeing the seemingly innocent Shuichi oblivious to the world sleeping on the passenger's seat right beside him, he knew it was all worth it. He winced at the musing that he had lost him once in his life, and though he did his best to stray his mind away from the thought, he couldn't help but _dread _the day the singer will be taken from him for the second time…

Arriving in is apartment, he laid Shuichi down on the soft bed and stole another moment to look at him. He suppressed the urge to cry, _jeez I actually feel like crying_, and just contented himself by staring at the singer, drowning at the image of the boy oblivious to the world, to loss, oblivious to pain. Slowly, the darkness devoured him.

"Mmm…" Shuichi muttered, still under the remnants of sleep. He was lying on a soft, unerringly familiar bed, quite different from the hospital bed he remembered sleeping in. His eyelashes fluttered when he opened his eyes. It was a good thing that there was almost no light in the room, aside from the ones creping from behind the wooden door. Wait. Where was he?

He rubbed his eyes and looked around him. The place was familiar, and though his senses were still hovering in the trance of slumber, he knew everything was in his memory; the sight, the smell, and the feeling. Finally feeling his legs, he sat up and felt something a little heavy draped over them. After having his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he realized that it was an arm, and only then did he notice that someone was lying right beside him. Yuki.

A pang hit his chest amidst there was also an inexplicable feeling of bliss. His mind wondered if everything had been a dream and if that frightful day when the doctor had told him of that word- one he didn't understand at the moment- that was to make his life short-lived was just a horrible chapter of it but now is forgettable and fit to be placed inside the trash can lying somewhere in this room.

But the walls were different, the furniture was altered, even the sheets were different. Looking at a large mirror that he didn't remember placed upon one of the walls of the room, his hair was brown, not pink, and so the realization that it was reality and not a dream kicked in.

He ran his hand through his hair, expecting it to be brittle, but not really. It was brown, clearly defined though the room was scarcely lit. He remembered that day in California, where he stayed because he wanted to be in a place as far away as possible but, as the doctors had told him, scarcely polluted. It was such a peaceful place. His landlady was nice and half-Japanese so the trouble of learning a foreign language became less of a burden. That was the day when he decided not to dye his hair pink anymore. He resented doing it at first, seeing how the pink hair had become his trademark, but hen realized that the hair or its color really didn't matter. He could be bald and hell he'd care, then again the idea of having no hair on his head didn't really appeal to him. Those thoughts seemed distant now, as if they passed him by far too quickly. They seemed absurd, funny even, but the humor just won't sink in. His being back in this room was definitely unexpected, but never unpleasant.

"Mmm…" a sleeping blond mumbled whilst still oblivious to the world.

Shuichi wondered what Yuki could be dreaming of right now. He remembered staying up late, just because no sleep would come to him, and he'd think of his Eiri Yuki. He wanted to love him more, more and still more until the day comes when he has strained his limits and his heart's unable to love anymore. Of course, he doubted that that would ever happen. He dreamt of coming back far too many times, but rejected the idea just as much knowing how much pain he'd caused the people he left behind. His family really wasn't much to think about, though he secretly hoped they were worrying their asses out trying to figure out where their son, unsure if he was gay or not, had gone to. Maiko was his only confidante and it hurt him that even from her, he had to hide. Maiko had an unbelievably open mouth spilling secrets without the slightest warning, and he didn't want her accidentally telling everybody where he is. Hiro would probably be angry at him too, knowing how much they've dreamed of building a career and how he ruined it by suddenly disappearing. There was Tohma and Mika, whom he never really did get close to, K, who'd probably kill him even before hat strange disease could, Suguru who'd be just as angry at him as any self-respecting artist could be, and Tatsuha, whose perverted mind probably would've thought that he was having an affair, and ofcourse, Sakuma Ryuichi who presumably won't even talk to him anymore. He dreamt of putting Yuki in a bear hug, though his arms seemed too short to completely envelop the writer. He wanted to stare at Yuki as he slept, innocence showing the way it didn't when the writer was awake, afraid to show vulnerability. Of course, he'd seen the blonde seemingly vulnerable before, and though it pained him to make Yuki break, part of him was glad he was turning him _human _again, words from one of Eiri's novels Shuichi managed to grab.

God, he wanted more of this. More musings, more time, but he knew far too well that wanting wouldn't be enough, never enough. He didn't really fear death; he actually thought it blissful during times Yuki broke up with him, but right now, he really desired to live. He lifted Yuki's arm, careful not to wake the blonde up, and swung his legs to the side of the bed, aware of his life more than ever before. Why hadn't he taken time to appreciate this gift long ago? Blood, air, nerves, brain (which someone he knew told him he never uses anyway) and heart that pounds on his chest.

He stretched his arms and thanked whatever power was there in the universe that kept him alive until that day. He looked back at the writer sleeping soundly on his bed and decided to throw in a little surprise. An amiable retribution for waking up in a room he didn't even remember sleeping in.

Yuki woke up from the sweet smell entering his- their- room. His half-awake mind thought it must be another one of those women he had given spare keys to cooking hoping desperately for another chance with him, but after having his arm landing on the side of the bed and not feeling a presence, his mind shook awaken. He sat up abruptly and searched the bed, searched the room looking for a someone he remembered sleeping right beside to.

The clanking of kitchen utensils finally brought him to a state of full awareness. The brat must be cooking again, _God I hope he doesn't burn down the house_; his mind went on remembering how well Shuichi had done almost burning down half of the kitchen before.

He rubbed his eyes and tried to stand up. _Shit what time is it anyway? _He asked no one in particular as he looked around the room searching for a wall clock he'd placed in one of the walls sometime before. 10:00… _a.m._?

It was already late, just a few more hours and it'd be afternoon already. How long since he had slept this well? He really couldn't remember anymore, though part of him suggested it was… well about two years ago after some really hot session with a certain then pink-haired pop/rock star? _Shut up! _Yuki shunned his own mind.

His feet made no noise as he approached the Kitchen, sounds becoming more audible. He took a peek and saw Shuichi flipping pancakes. How cute. The singer had actually learned how to cook without getting himself injured for once.

The singer placed the plate on the table and proceeded to clean the mess, not noticing Eiri's presence. Yuki thought of just approaching the table and stare at the food, but his eyes drifted to Shuichi instead. The idea of startling the singer never seemed to have been more appealing. Carefully, Yuki approached Shuichi from behind, knowing how poor Shuichi's senses were right there, and placed his arm around the singer's waist, drawing an inconspicuous squirm.

"I love you, Shuichi…"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: Okay, I'm giving my reviewers they're much deserved replies. And for those who're reading this but are too lazy to lift a few fingers and type a review no matter how sick, what goes around comes around. One of these days you'll know what it feels like opening your email waiting for that FF Review Alert but not seeing any.

chrono-contract: you don't know how happy I was when you reviewed in this story! Ur like the first so I love you!

Rynn-Rynn: you said you love my story… I love my story too! Awesometastic word that is! And I love you!

capricorn2645: thanks for reporting possible errors in my fic… and you reviewed thrice so I love you thrice!

dragonfire04: I'm updating! I'm updating!

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: you wrote the longest review! Thanks! Yeah, it's killing him… it's killing me that I'm killing them both… figuratively… still thinking if I should do it literally.

Mel93: thank you very much!

Harry Draco Malfoy: it's a secret… lol!

How many times had he delayed saying those three simple words thinking he had time, that Shuichi would be around when he decided to do so. How many countless times did he take Shuichi's presence for granted. Right then, he realized that time really wasn't at their side and cursed it for it gave him fewer chances. Then again, time really wasn't an enemy either, his own egoistic bastardly nature is. Curse you Yuki.

The blond felt the smaller figure in his hug shift. Looking down, his gaze fell on a pair of impossibly large purple eyes that showed nothing but pure astonishment, as if he couldn't believe the words that had just been said to him.

"Say that again…" he whispered softly.

Yuki giggled (0o!) involuntarily for a moment before staring at he singer again. "I… love… you… Shuichi…" he repeated the statement, slowly this time, watching as the boy in is arms closed his eyes and drowned in the words.

Slowly but without warning, he leaned forward and descended his lips on Shuichi's soft ones. The singer didn't open his eyes, but moaned at the pleasure it brought upon him. The kiss was reciprocated, and though the emotions were intense, the kiss was as gentle as spring winds dancing with newly bloomed cherry blossoms.

When the kiss ended, the lovers were both breathless, much to Yuki's fear that Shuichi might undergo one of those attacks. When the singer assured him that he was alright, they proceeded to eat the once ignored pancakes.

Yuki melted at the sound of Shuichi's voice. Though he missed the laughter and excitement they once held, he couldn't help but drift at the soft and mellow melody that seemed to have replaced it.

Days passed as if nothing had even gone wrong between them, as if there was no day in the future to fear. For once in his life, Yuki didn't complain about upcoming deadlines, nor did he have those blasted headaches. Shuichi had become so adorable, more so than he already was (though Yuki would never EVER admit the whole thing); his vivacious and slightly animated attitude had changed to a sweet ever so lovable disposition. Yuki often found himself staring at him when the former singer wasn't aware, and even managed to smile when Shuichi found out what he was doing and was staring right back at him.

_Rriiiing! Rrriiiing! _The phone rand disturbing the quiet both he and Shuichi were sharing one particular day.

"Who is this?!" Yuki snarled at the caller. How dare anybody destroy such sweet moments he was still cherishing?

"Good morning to you too, Eiri," Tohma said sarcastically on the other line.

"What do you want?" Yuki replied coldly. He had no intention of hiding his annoyance.

"Eiri, I have something important to tell you. Please do come here in my office as soon as possible."

"How important?"

"_Very _important, Eiri." And he hung up.

Damn. Yuki cursed inwardly. This better not be one of those things he's doing to keep me away from Shuichi.

"Who was it?" the singer asked walking out of the bathroom.

Yuki turned around to answer, but was stopped dead when he saw Shuichi in a pair of very _very _short denim shorts he'd ever seen the former singer wear, topped by a plain white t-shirt whose neckline, because it seemed too big for him, was hanging on one of his shoulders. A light blue towel was on top of his wet hair, and Yuki could smell from the distance the sweet lingering scent of a mixture of coconut, vanilla and strawberries. The blonde gulped. After his return, this was the first time Shuichi had ever worn something so delectably sin-inviting.

"Yuki?" the singer asked again waking the blonde from his dirty thoughts.

"What was that again?" he asked, almost blushing. Almost.

Shuichi giggled. Never once had he seen Yuki so thunderstruck. "Who called?"

Yuki shook his head trying to awaken completely from the trance, "Tohma… said he needed a word." He finally answered after which he took his coat and looked for his car keys. The sooner he gets over this, the sooner he could get back to Shuichi. "I'll be out for a while." He said approaching the door. He looked back behind him only to be mesmerized again by a pair of purple eyes. He walked back and caressed Shuichi's cheek as the singer closed his eyes. God he loved this. Before the singer knew it, Yuki had already leaned down on him and stole a quick kiss.

"Don't leave me, okay?" whispered the blonde into Shuichi's ear. The tone sounded like he was pleading. In reality, he was, but decided to keep at least part of his proud nature.

"Okay…" Shuichi said in a voice as low as Yuki's.

The pact wasn't exactly an assurance that the singer would indeed stay, but Yuki held nothing else. Sure he could tie Shuichi somewhere in the house, most probably on the bed, but that would be too brutal, even for his slightly sadistic tendencies. He almost couldn't believe himself. A few years ago, Shuichi moved in without even telling him, and how many times had he kicked him out part of him hoping that the singer would find somebody else to pour his affection onto, but he did always came back, until that one time of course. How ironic that now, after experiencing a life completely without the said singer, he actually moved Shuichi in himself without even consideration of the boy's own silly objections.

After the pleasant confrontation, Yuki sped out of his apartment, had five speeding tickets in around twenty minutes, arrived in NG and barged right in Tohma's office.

"I'll call you later, Mr. Tsujimoto." Said the president right before hanging up.

Yuki stared at him, waiting for the conversation.

"Take a seat, Eiri-"

"Cut the crap, Seguchi, and go straight to the point. What is it?" Yuki snapped.

Tohma looked as stoic as ever. "Very well," said the shorter blond looking straight at the writer. "Eiri, is Shindou-kun living with you again?" he asked.

Yuki needed a cigarette, but not having any, he just contented himself with sighing, "I thought the media would've already caught that story sooner." He answered followed by a sharp gaze. "Yeah…"

"Eiri, I understand that Shindou-kun's sick, and that you feel a slim sense of guilt for not having left him when he needed us, but you really don't have to do this."

"What are you talking about, Tohma?" the writer almost snarled, fangs bared somewhat.

"Well, Eiri, if you really want him with the best care possible, I could arrange for a private nurse to assist him. All expenses will be paid of course by me. I understand you wanting to make up, but you really don't-"

"What kind of bullshit are you talking about, Tohma?!" Yuki finally burst. Anger inside of him was bubbling at the shallow judgment his brother-in-law had of him.

"Eiri, I was just being… I mean…"

"You were just what, Tohma? Do you think I'm doing this because of a childish guilt trip? Did it ever occur to you that I actually-"

"Don't tell me you just _love _him, Eiri!" Tohma's voice had risen, "that you're doing this because you want to and that you just want to be _beside _him. This is not one of your novels, Eiri. This is your life; you don't have to be the emotional stereotype you inculcate into your characters! Don't you just dare-"

"Don't I just _dare_ say that I can't bear to see myself without him?" Yuki cut the sentence before the other blond could say another word. "I got a better news flash for you, oh _nii-san _brother-in-law of mine," he said coolly and sarcastically, "I _do _love him, Tohma, in more ways that I could've ever imagined, and I feel like I'm such a senseless bastard because it took me seven hundred seventy-nine days of his complete absence to realize just how much I did. And yes, I know it's crazy and ridiculous, but I counted every agonizing day since the one he left!" he added before catching his breath. He wanted to add _bitch _as a sort of an exclamation point, but decided not to. Despite Tohma's hard front when it comes to business, Eiri knew the blonde was sensitive, especially when it came to him. Tohma had been there when he was going insane after the incident with Kitazawa, it wouldn't be fair.

Tohma had gasped several times while Yuki was making his point, and he knew just how much the words had stung the president.

When the anger had somehow simmered down, they stared at each other, both in disbelief and in pain.

Tohma had fallen right back on his seat lifting up one hand to his head. The petite blonde looked so dejected, and the cold Eiri Yuki felt himself weaken at the sight, though none of this would ever be known to the rest of the world. "Eiri…" his voice was in a whisper, and Yuki wondered if the world had ever imagined him looking this weak.

Everything had been said and done, and the writer didn't have any intentions of taking them back. For once in his life after that freakin' tutor of his ruined it, he said exactly what he felt, and there's no way in hell he's going to regret doing so. The best thing to do was leave, to let the moment dissolve into their memories.

He approached the door and reached for the knob. Just as he turned it, he heard a cry, a rather almost inaudible cry, but he heard it nonetheless. There was no need to look back.

He hurried his way to the apartment, feeling the need inside of him, the demand to be in a warm embrace of security offered by his brat. Just a few more steps…

He had just and barely opened the door when he heard a humming of an unfamiliar song. A few more moments and some of the words became clearer.

_This bitterness inside_

_Is an empty space I hide_

_It never satisfies_

_Living my life in a lie…_

Though the song was sung in a rather frail manner, it was in a wistful tone, and Shuichi's voice just added to the effect. Yuki wondered inwardly if the song was written by the said singer.

_Love on borrowed time_

_Could never be yours nor mine_

_I just close my eyes_

_And everything will be alright…_

Yuki was again caught in his contemplations. True that Shuichi's lyrics were mostly mediocre, but they were always filled with passion, with emotions, no matter how softly the singer had sung them. He pondered if this song was another open emotion, and if so, then would the lyrics really be expressions of what the singer was feeling?

…_wish that I had more_

_Of this borrowed time_

_If only it will last a lifetime…_

Maybe it wasn't, but most probably it was. Yuki didn't care. He opened the door completely and was welcomed by a Shuichi sitting cross legged on the couch and holding a notebook in one hand, and a pen in another. A familiar scene in an unfamiliar time.

"Welcome back, Yuki…" the singer greeted with a warm smile that melted Yuki out of his distress.

**P.S**. Sorry. Just had to insert the song…


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, moment of truth, I was going to say I won't write another chapter until I get at least 50 reviews, but that would be _SO_ unfair to my reviewers who made me so very _very _happy today! I actually feel bubbly inside!

I'm sorry to say this sob sob, but I'm having a major block because I failed 2 midterm exams. Anyway, I did all that I could on this chapter even though I don't think it's very nice. If you think it's _that _horrible, you could always just review and tell me it sucks.

I love my reviewers! So I'm acknowledging them again in this chappie!

**Rynn-Rynn**: My goodness ur review was fast! But I love it because it made my day! I can't stop saying I love you!

**capricorn2645**: I'm sorry if I made Tohma mean, but I also made him emotional so that people reading this story won't hate him much. I'm sorry Tohma fans! Thanks for reading! As always I love you!

**chrono-contract**: I'll keep on replying and saying I love you coz you guys keep on reviewing!

**Obsession14-c**: I can't promise the no death thingy… sorry… but I promise to make a cute almost slightly unexpected ending! … I love you guys!

**Linchi**: I just plainly love you and your review! I think I should have it printed then turned into a sticker or laminated or something! …It hurts not to have work reviewed… I know… but like what I said, what goes around comes right back around and hopefully with thrice the intensity!

**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction**: sadly, this chapter isn't as good… I hope you forgive me! (author kneels and bangs her head on the concrete floor) just don't forget I still love you even if you decide to review with complaints on this chapter!

**DesperateLoveKoi**: I update as soon as possible so hopefully you won't be waiting much…thanks for the review! I love all my reviewers!

**A/N**: Guys, if you decide to hate the story, hate me instead for having a limited English vocabulary. I can only learn so much from English subtitled anime and programs. sob sob Also, I know this chappie seems irrelevant, but hopefully a few chapters later will change that.

A loud resounding 'ding' echoed from the kitchen earning stares from both Yuki and Shuichi.

"What-"

"I… made some popcorn," said Shuichi before the writer could continue his sentence, as if he was afraid there would be an angry tone at the end. "I sort of found some DVD's and… want to watch them… is that okay with you?"

The question was stupid, Eiri supposed, but nonetheless it seemed thoughtful of the singer to ask. "Brat," he said softly as he took slow steps towards the boy, "what do you think DVD's are for?" he added leaning in and kissing Shuichi taking advantage of the boy's looking up at him.

"A 'yes' would've sufficed, you know," said Shuichi after the short kiss.

"Sure, but I like this way better," replied Yuki sitting down right beside the singer when the said singer stood up to retrieve the popcorn from the kitchen. The writer took the remote and turned on the DVD. The picture was in black and white, which made Yuki wonder if the T.V. needed some fixing, but after a few moments, he realized that the movie was just _really _old. Why was Shuichi going to watch an old movie? He didn't know. _Why _did he have an old movie stuck up in his DVD collection, however, was another question.

Those silly things didn't matter anymore when Shuichi sat right beside him and started munching on the popcorn. Just the sight of the singer, sitting cross legged right beside him was delightful, and the feeling of that familiar warm sensation of lingering love in the room just made the whole situation more gratifying.

Yuki didn't really pay attention to the movie, and instead spent his time just looking at Shuichi. Expressive purple eyes mirrored the reflection from the T.V. making them gleam in the light, chest moving when the singer breathes, and lips moving as he placed the popcorn one by one into his mouth. Though the writer wanted to ravish those lips at that instant, he felt that that would've been inappropriate, like a lost note in a beautiful song.

When the movie ended and when Shuichi questioned him whether or not he liked the movie, Yuki woke up from the illusions in his mind. "I wasn't watching the movie." He answered truthfully.

"No, you're not," Shuichi said leaning in closer and placing his head on Yuki's chest, "You've been watching me all the while…" he whispered.

"Yeah, I was," replied the writer when he turned off the T.V. He'd lost track of time, but it must've been dark already, since the warm winds entering in one of the windows he must've forgotten to close had already become a little colder.

Though he wanted to cherish the tender moments, his mind reminded him that their bodies were going to need nutrition soon, and they have nothing but take-out food full of MSG in the fridge, and damn he didn't want to ruin the beauty of this evening by feeding his most loved person some left over from something someone else had cooked. No way. Tonight's meal was going to be special. He shifted from his position and informed the singer before finally approaching the kitchen. He quickly ordered some beef and fixed up something. He wasn't sure exactly what he had cooked, but he thought he must've learned it from a French cook book somewhere some time ago. Dessert was made up of some chocolates and a few other sweets. Of course, no special lovers' dinner would be complete without wine.

Yuki was not at all disappointed when he saw Shuichi's reaction; melancholic purple eyes widened in disbelief before they met with a pair of gold ones. Lips parted in awe before they ascended on Yuki's. Supper was made up of food and beautiful almost lustful stares from across the table.

After their pleasant occurrence, they proceeded back to the couch. No T.V., no radio, just silence. But it wasn't the kind of awkward silence that spelled something was wrong, it was more of a silence that lover's share when words are not enough.

Yuki ran his hand on Shuichi's hair several times, marveling at how soft the strands were. Though the pink color was gone, it still smelled like strawberries. It was good and reassuring to know that some things never change.

Shuichi was leaning his head on the writer's chest, and Yuki didn't know how to react knowing that the singer could hear every heartbeat.

"I love you…" Yuki surprised himself by saying those words, but not in an unpleasant way. He knew how much Shuichi wanted to hear those words, and he hated himself because he didn't tell them to the boy a long time ago.

"Why didn't you tell me that a long before, Yuki…" the question was unexpected, but he writer wasn't caught unprepared.

"I did…" said the writer looking down at Shuichi who was still leaning on him.

"When?" the boy asked again, this time looking at the golden gaze.

"When you were sleeping or too drunk to realize I was actually talking to you…" the blond answered calmly and nonchalantly, finishing up the sentence with a kiss.

"Liar…" Shuichi sort of protested, lips pouting in an adorable manner.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Yuki asked this time, looking up at the ceiling trying to avoid the singer's eyes. There was something in those eyes that will break him if he stared too much.

"Yes…"

Yuki looked right back at Shuichi's eyes, "and when exactly?" he said, one eyebrow rising in incredulity. He remembered saying a lot of things to Shuichi, like the time he said his songs were just _bad_, but he wasn't lying then. He _did _think Shuichi's songs were mediocre. Okay, so maybe he exaggerated a bit. _Thank goodness I did. Otherwise he wouldn't have pursued me. _He thought a little shamefully.

"When you kicked me out and told me it was because I suck in bed," Shuichi answered looking more defiant than usual. Those purple eyes gleamed intensifying the point he was expressing, yet still pouting making his supposed serious features a little comical.

Yuki gulped. He _was _lying when he told Shuichi that he sucked in bed, but he did it thinking of the brat's own good. Nonetheless, hearing Shuichi say what he had just said made Yuki feel a pang of jealousy suddenly course through his veins. "Maybe, I might've…" he said suddenly gripping both of Shuichi's wrists and pinning him down on the couch with his own body, "but when exactly and from whom did you get a second opinion?" he stated gritting his teeth. Part of him was extremely angry, but part of him also wanted to know. He loathed at the thought that that freakin' red-head doctor might've been touching and experimenting with Shuichi's body any more than necessary.

Shuichi giggled melodically, his voice resonating around the room.

"My my, Yuki. Is that jealousy I see in your eyes?" he said almost teasingly, leaning a little upward so that his lips touched Yuki's momentarily.

"Answer the question…" Yuki almost but in a predatory way snarled.

Shuichi blushed, long lashes fluttered when he slowly closed his eyes. "From you, Yuki… You didn't think I slept with anyone else while I was away, did you?"

Yuki didn't answer. "And when did I tell you that you were great in bed?" he asked instead.

Shuichi tried to sit up, but Yuki pushed on him back harder. "Oh, Yuki, don't be such a brat," he said pouting his lips again, seemingly annoyed.

"Oh, so now you're calling _me _a brat?" Yuki inquired looking seriously at the boy below him. His body reminded him of many nights when he held Shuichi like this, and the boy moaned his name like it was holy. He remembered that during the time of Shuichi's absence, he dreamt of his name being called that way, then woke up realizing he was still alone in his bed. He had dreamt of a special touch that just sends shivers down his spine, a kiss that softens on his lips, cries and moans of pure pleasure, and how he turned nearly insane not feeling and hearing those sensations when he woke up from the dream.

"Yuki?" a soft voice woke him up from his reminiscing.

The writer looked back at the small figure still beneath him. Those purple eyes, that cute nose, those soft lips… before Yuki knew it, he had already caught Shuichi in a passionate kiss. His mind had completely dismissed the consequences that might come with his actions. His hands let go of the wrists and ventured their way to Shuichi's body, touching and caressing. The singer didn't resist, but moaned and sighed as the touches became more intimate.

Somehow, from their position on the couch, they ended up being in bed, bodies naked and glistening in sweat. They were still in the heat of things when Yuki realized what he had just done. Though he wanted Shuichi to lose his breath from the pleasure, he also feared it. With great remarkable self-control, he slowed his thrusts, turning their rhythm to a gentle phase.

"Y…Yuki?" Shuichi asked in a whisper, "Wh…y… uh!" he threw his head back, body arching violently when Yuki hit a sensitive spot.

The writer leaned closer, planting a kiss on Shuichi's neck. "Shuichi, I was careless. I shouldn't… we shouldn't- what if…" his body opposed whatever rationality and reason his mind was trying to tell him.

"D… Don't hold back… Yuki… I… can take care of myself… please…nnnh!" Shuichi pleaded, hands tugging on the sheets below him.

Yuki didn't need the plead. His primal urges had already taken control, and even though somewhat fearful, he continued until they were both sated.

When the writer's mind recovered from the bliss, he quickly removed himself from on top of Shuichi and checked if the boy was alright.

The singer's chest was rising and falling softly, taking in as much oxygen from one breathing as possible. "Are you okay?" Yuki asked running his hands on Shuichi's forehead.

Still catching his breath, Shuichi smiled and opened his eyes. "That was hot…" he replied a little jokily.

"Brat, I asked if you were okay." Yuki said leaning in closer kissing Shuichi's nose. That word _hot _made him chuckle mentally, but everything he's been for these past few days had been far from his nature, he supposed he needed to suppress the chuckle just to make sure he was still the well known bastard that he was, "I was worried I might be making you breathless and all you could say was that I'm good in bed? Like I didn't know that already…" he kissed again.

"Nnn… but Yuki, I thought you like making me breathless?" Shuichi answered trying to sound very child-like. It didn't work, of course, since his voice had mellowed down and had become more mature.

"I do, but your doctor said-"

"My doctor is an idiot, Yuki," Shuichi cut in before the writer could continue.

Yuki smirked. Hearing the insult made his heart thump in both vengeance and relief. At least he isn't hearing Shuichi praise that wuss.

"Back to the question, brat. When did I tell you that you were good in bed?" he asked remembering the previous argument. Maybe he didn't need to ask; maybe he should've just let that one remain a mystery, but his writer instincts demanded that he got the answer.

Shuichi turned to face him with that playful smile on his lips, and the most relaxed expression Yuki had ever seen on him since his return. "Remember the time when you just finished passing your novel?"

He didn't, but nodded anyway.

"You just muttered you were tired when you came in the room and saw me with nothing but a towel on. Apparently, you weren't tired enough because you had the strength and the libido to actually do it fast and hard." He said grinning, as if somewhat insulting.

Yuki just stared back. His exhausted mind doing its best to remember.

"And you whispered 'awesome' before kissing me again. You were probably to drowsy to remember that…" Shuichi punctuated with a kiss.

Though he felt the kiss, Yuki's mind was somewhere else. Damn, he really couldn't remember. "You better not be making this up," he said looking seriously at Shuichi.

Shuichi pouted, brows furrowed a little, "Yuki…"

The writer didn't need to hear anything anymore. He pulled the blankets on them and embraced the singer. That moment of weakness would have to be a wonder for another time. Right now, he had Shuichi in his arms, and he knew they both needed some rest.

Husky uneven breaths steadied and bodies relaxed. Light and darkness swayed and merged until they were in the void of sleeping.


	15. Chapter 15

I can't believe you guys liked that chapter? Really, I'm being serious when I said I didn't like that chapter, but thanks anyway!

**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction**: hehehe I'm sorry but I'm not ready to make a lemon yet. One of these days I'll write a lemon, but in a different story. Thank you!

**alice22**: I can't answer that cuz that would mean spoilers! lol, but I promise to give them more moments together for your reading pleasure! Hehehe, I see you don't like Tohma that much, but I had to keep the whole thing in the middle cuz I don't want people to hate him that much at the same time like him that much either. I think he's okay, but if you hate him that much, well, can't stop you! Hehehe!

**BakuraNeko**: I still can't believe you said that! It just made me so giddy in a positive way! I almost couldn't sleep out of happiness! Really! I'll update as soon as I can so please just bear with me.

**capricorn2645**: no, really, I thought that one was bad, not really horrible, but just…bad, but thank you thinking it was great! I just plainly love you!

**Kuuro Tsuki**: thank you! I was planning to make a comedy but I just don't have the talent in humor… sob, thank you for loving my story!

**jabberwalk**: you did? Yes… I know… I wish the anime had more of Yuki's and Shuichi's tender moments too… but since it doesn't, I decide to write a fanfiction that contains so instead… thank you very much!

**A/N**: Honestly, people, I really meant what I said when I said I think that chappie wasn't as good, but thank you for loving it anyway! Just the same, I think this chappie isn't a very good one, but hopefully after a few more chapters it'll work out.

Shuichi was awoken by a soft grunt. Funny how a few short years of silence had made him extra sensitive of even the faintest sounds. He opened his eyes only to see the face of the most beautiful man alive in his world. Yuki looked different when he slept. He looked… vulnerable? No that wasn't quite the word. How does he put it…? Yuki looked… innocent, ingenuous, immaculate… he looked… angelic. Yes. If there's word in his vocabulary that could best describe the writer in his moments of slumber, _angelic_ would be the right word.

He carefully ran the back of his hand on Yuki's face. A finger trailing on the lips that he loved so much. He closed his eyes and pictured Yuki saying those words.

_I… love…you…Shuichi…_

Beautiful… he had imagined before so many times of Yuki saying those words, but the lips only and _only _moved in his mind since the writer always seemed reluctant to say them. But now, though he was again picturing it in his mind, he was comforted by the fact that Yuki _did _and _had _said them. A small smile made its appearance on his lips; he couldn't wait to see those lips while he mutters them again.

Happy as he was at the moment, he suddenly felt strange, he felt suffocated like something was strangling him. He knew it had to be another attack; a product of last night's satisfying yet demanding activity. Slowly, he slipped out of Yuki's embrace, slipped on some shorts lying on the floor and carefully sat up on the bed, intending to stand up as soon as he knew he had the strength. His lower body ached, probably because he hadn't had any sex since he went away, but knew he had to get his hands on those pills as soon as possible. He stood up and had just taken a step when the breathlessness caught his chest.

Yuki was stirred awake when he heard the sheets rustle and when the figure he knew he had in his arms moved leaving an empty space below. He thought the singer must be going to the bathroom or something so he decided to play asleep a little while longer. He was tired; he was contented, fulfilled, but was _just_ tired. Last night he felt free, he felt alive; blood, movement, rhythm, moans and bliss made him feel alive, _Shuichi _made him feel alive. He was just drifting back to sleep when he heard a 'thud' from somewhere inside the room.

The writer opened his eyes and scanned the whole room, not knowing exactly what to expect. His gaze descended on a figure almost crawling on the floor, hand stretched forward as if reaching for something leaving nail marks on the wooden floor, chest rising and falling slowly and making soft suffocating sounds as he heaved for every breath.

For a while Yuki wondered who it was; brown hair, small body, until his mind completely woke up and he realized it was his singer.

"Shuichi!" he exclaimed in panic throwing the blanket aside and running straight to the singer. "Shuichi! What's wrong?!" he shrieked as he held Shuichi in his arms. The boy's skin had gotten paler.

"Yuki… med… meds…" the boy stuttered as he held on Yuki's shoulder, nails digging in his skin, but it was as if his brain wouldn't send him the signals to feel pain.

The writer's mind was in a haze, in complete alarm and irrationality. _Meds? Meds… meds… _he kept on repeating in his mind not knowing exactly what the boy meant. _Bullshit! What meds!_

The singer choked making him more scared. "Shuichi!" he screamed again. Damn he had to fight this! He had to help Shuichi!

Meds… meds… medi… medicines! Damn why hadn't he thought of medicine?!

Yuki gently laid Shuichi back on the floor before rushing to the cabinet and looked for Shuichi's bag; the only one he's managed to bring from the hospital. Hopefully, Shuichi's medications were in the said bag. When he found it, he flipped it over and let every content fall. In all the days that had passed, he wondered why hadn't he unpacked everything yet. Wondering would have to be for another time.

A small plastic fell from one of the smaller pockets, and Yuki bet all his precious hair it contained the thing he was looking for. He quickly ran back to Shuichi and made him swallow. He thought about water, damn why had he forgotten water, but it would take time to bring a glass of water from the kitchen, so he settled on kissing Shuichi trying to push the pills in.

Moments later, Shuichi was breathing a little more normally and some of his coloring had come back. He was far from looking healthy, but at least he looked better than he had just moments ago.

Yuki wanted nothing more that to enclose Shuichi in another bear hug, but he feared that that might just make the situation worse.

When the feeling of dread and fear had passed, Yuki softly shook Shuichi in his arms, "Are you okay?" he asked.

Shuichi opened his eyes and looked directly at Yuki's. Those eyes were glazed, as if he'd cry any moment then, but the writer knew better; that Shuichi knew better. Shuichi's lips parted, but closed again.

"It's alright. You don't have to answer now." Yuki whispered when he lifted Shuichi off the floor and back to the bed. He tucked the singer under the sheets and watched him closely, afraid that any time there might be another attack. He ran his hand on Shuichi's cheek in faint attempt to bring some color into them.

Damn this is _not _the way he liked to start his morning.

Moments later, Shuichi's hand was holding Yuki's. "I'm okay now," he said softly kissing the writer's fingers.

The blonde was worried, and it must've shown all over his face because Shuichi's eyes softened before saying "I'm sorry…"

Yuki shook his head. "What for?" he asked leaning down, brushing some of Shuichi's hair that stuck on his cheek and kissed the singer's forehead. "I think I should be the one saying 'I'm sorry' to you…" he whispered on Shuichi's ear.

Before the writer could fully sit back up, Shuichi entangled his fingers at the back of Yuki's neck and pulled him closer.

"Na-uh," he said shaking his head, "it was a good night…"

"It was a tiring night, and I think I got you exhausted," Yuki said almost right into Shuichi's mouth.

"True. Exhausting, nonetheless pleasurable." The singer replied.

They lay back in bed for a few more minutes before Yuki decided to cook some breakfast. He had told Shuichi to stay in bed and have his meal there, but the singer insisted that they eat together in the dining room.

Shuichi knew that not taking enough time to rest on the bed wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he didn't want to be of any burden to his blonde lover. He had thought of leaving again when Yuki went to Tohma, make another disappearing act, and this time never show up until he's cold, but he remembered how Yuki said those words, _don't leave me_… so sweetly, so honestly, so sincerely as if love flowed through every word, and the thought drifted itself away. The least he could do was not be much of a pain to his already too-pained writer.

Yuki looked at Shuichi. Damn the kid was gorgeous. Hair sticking to his forehead and cheek, damp of sweat probably from last night's activity and this morning's little incident, lips red, slightly bruised on the side from all the kissing they had done, bite marks turning red on his neck, and scratch marks on his shoulders and arms. Yuki didn't realize how intense he had been working on Shuichi last night, and he didn't know he'd been craving of having the boy in his bed _that _bad. Though the thought and the memory was good, he felt a slight twinge of guilt. He knew he was somehow at fault for Shuichi's little coughing, but he couldn't bring himself to say _I wish I hadn't done it_. Strangely enough, he was glad they had made love, and was even tempted to ask the singer if he thought the same, but of course no such thing was going to happen. _Save some pride Yuki Eiri! _He scolded himself.

Later in the afternoon, Shuichi stepped in the living room in full outfit.

"Where are you going?" the writer asked in both protest and slight disbelief.

The singer looked at him nonchalantly, "just out…" he replied.

Yuki stood up from where he was sitting and just stared. He felt fear and worry at the same time. Shuichi had just recovered from this morning, now he wants to be out? Yeah right. "Wha-"

"You don't expect me to sit here and watch T.V. all the time, do you?" the boy asked interrupting the sentence.

Yuki was taken aback, not only by the answer but also because he's realized how Shuichi had taken a habit of cutting in his sentences before he finished. In a strange way, the fact that Shuichi had been growing a spine scared him. He liked to be the one in control, and he wanted the boy submissive, but all the same time he found it appealing, like a bit of challenge in an easily won game. He didn't realize that a smirk had made its way to his lips.

Shuichi gulped at the sight. Yuki was thinking of something, he could tell by the silence and that far away look the writer had in his eyes, but what got to him was the smirk, an acquisitive smirk that just reminded him how assertive the man is.

The writer sped his way to the bedroom and got himself changed before stepping out. He could see Shuichi's mouth open and eyes enlarged, "you don't expect me to just let you out alone do you?" he said sarcastically before grasping his house keys and pulling the singer outside.

He thought of bringing the car, but then he realized that walking would mean he and Shuichi get to spend more time with each other. On their way, he realized how quiet the boy had become. No matter how much he loved the silence, he missed the Shuichi that used to just blab around incessantly about anything that caught his fancy at the moment. He longed to hear the voice, at the same time he savored the calm, damn that made him confused.

They arrived in the park since that seemed to be the best place they could stay, for Shuichi's sake at least.

Sitting on the bench and watching some kids playing tag, Shuichi leaned his head on Yuki's shoulder. If anyone told he writer three years ago that this would happen, he would've just hit the guy and ignored the whole thing like it was a big piece of joke, yet there they were doing just what they were doing. He felt thirsty so he stood up to buy themselves some drinks.

Shuichi waited patiently for his lover's return. Looking around him, he marveled at how little had changed about the place since he first met Yuki here, and how special the whole place was for him. This was the place where Yuki first broke his heart by saying how crappy his lyrics were, yet this was also the place where the writer first mended his heart when he realized how childish he was judging Suguru.

Someone tugged on his sleeve, when he looked there was a little girl staring at him holding a pen and a piece of paper. "Can I have your autograph, please?" she asked. Her pitch was still high from youth, and it held so much energy Shuichi wished he had at the moment.

"Sure…" he said signing, "What's your name?"

"I'm Ai…"

_To Ai… _Shuichi wrote. Ai meant love in Japanese, what a sweet name, he thought. _From Shuichi_ he finished smiling at the girl.

Ai looked at Shuichi and smiled back. The singer was just about to turn around when the girl tugged his sleeve again.

"Will you sing me a song, Mr. Shuichi?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Linchi**: Ahehe, thanks for taking time to review!

**capricorn2645**: alright I won't say that that chapter as well as the few other's I've been trying to work on is , (lol) ahehe! Thanks fore reviewing; really, I love your reviews! Uhm, and I don't know when classes in there start but here, they've started last June and first sem will end this October. Anyway, thanks, really. You're one of the readers that just lift up my spirits, I don't know what I'll do if you don't review… (lol)

**gravichick**: I'm sorry, but I can't really promise that… I so want a cookie right now… but I'll try to make the ending as cute as possible, promise!

**BakuraNeko**: ahehe. Thanks! Actually, Maki Murakami had made them a cute couple, but there's really nothing wrong with trying to make them cuter, ne? (lol)

**alice22**: a friend told me 'it's really not what happens when you die; it's what you have done before that comes.' And so let's make Shu and Yuki happy! (lol)

**DarkMetalAngel of Destruction**: ahehe, thank you!

**Loveless19**: I'm sorry it took SOOO long for me to release this chapter! I hope you forgive me! Heheheh…

**A/N**: Guys, I'm sorry but I did this chapter because I felt like I haven't posted anything for quite a while, but truth be told I'm so uninspired right now. I got the idea from another story, but I've seriously been wondering why Shuichi still calls Eiri _Yuki _even though he knows his real name already.

Yuki watched as Shuichi talked to that little girl, all the while the singer was smiling. The writer could tell it wasn't a real smile, just one that the boy uses to be polite or to try to deceive people that he's okay.

He was just about to approach when he saw the expression on Shuichi's face change. There was something that little girl had said that made the sadness unbearable, as he could now see Shuichi's eyes filling with tears he won't shed. The singer smiled again and said something before Yuki heard some humming before some softly sung lyrics…

_Nobody knows just why we're here_

_Could it be fate or random circumstance_

_At the right place at the right time_

_Two worlds intertwine…_

_And if the universe conspired_

_To meld our lives to make us_

_Fuel and fire_

_And know wherever you will be_

_So to shall I be…_

Though the words themselves were barely audible from where he was standing, he could feel the power of the voice as if it radiated from Shuichi.

_Remember how we laughed until we cried_

_At the most stupid things like we were so high_

_And love was all that we were on_

_We belong_

_Though the world would never understand_

_This unlikely union_

_And while it still stands_

_Someday we will be set free_

_Pray and believe…_

_When the light disappears_

_And when this world's insincere_

_You'll be safe here_

_When nobody hears you scream_

_I'll scream with you_

_You'll be safe here…_

Shuichi's voice faded while he opened his eyes, now evidently full of that desolate expression. The singer then flashed an apologetic smile before saying something to the girl who ran away as soon as Shuichi finished his sentence.

Yuki took bigger steps towards the boy, but when he could clearly see the hurt in his eyes, he found himself unable to think of any damn word. Shuichi finally noticed his presence and their eyes met. There was something in those eyes that just made Yuki's heart sink.

Before Yuki knew it, Shuichi caught him in an embrace. It wasn't gentle, like most of their physical contacts lately; it was tight, like Shuichi was holding on to him for dear life.

"Shu… what's wrong?" Yuki managed to say when he placed a hand on Shuichi's back.

The singer shook his head but refused to say anything. Yuki could feel the tears spreading across his shirt. Shuichi was crying, something was shattered, the writer could tell, and it was an important part of Shuichi's being otherwise he wouldn't be crying like this. He had seen how the boy had managed to suppress those tears, and he marveled at how strong Shuichi had become, but now, looking at him like this… it was just…

Shuichi grabbed on Yuki's shirt. God he needed him. Every word had stung.

_Will you sing me a song, Mr. Shuichi?_

He didn't realize just how much damage hearing those words could actually cause him; after all, he had managed to sing out a good song with – what's the band again? - and even hum some lyrics at home, but the girl, and the request…. They had single-handedly broken his resolve, and he could not even feel angry for the little girl who brought it upon him.

"I… I…" he tried to speak, but the sobs made it harder for any coherent word to form.

He had heard Yuki whisper shushing sounds, and it made him feel better knowing that the blonde was trying to console him. He felt weak at the moment, and he needed to cling on to Yuki more than anything else.

He looked at the man and it pained him to see how much hurt there was in Yuki's eyes; it surprised him, but at the same time, he felt awkwardly secure. Pain was one of the things divisible by love, and with all he love Yuki seemed to have to give to him, pain felt like wisping itself away.

Yuki held Shuichi's chin and looked directly into his eyes. No matter how hard the singer tried, no matter how solid he thought any lie he could tell was, those eyes would betray him. Those eyes were like clear purple glasses, transparent, breakable.

"Shuichi, what's wrong?" he managed to ask in a calm voice.

The boy's lips parted, but no voice came out of it. Until Shuichi just looked away and shook is head.

"I-it's nothing," he answered.

Shuichi did his best to calm himself. Having an attack and fainting in a place like his would do no good for the public's view of his and Yuki's disposition. He could sense that Yuki didn't believe him, but the blonde knew better than to argue when things are supposed to be non-arguable. "Really, Yuki, I'm fine," he added looking at his taller lover.

Yuki took his chin and looked at him, "Shu… you're… safe here with me… so please don't cry anymore, okay?" it seemed funny for him to use the words he had just heard from the song.

"Okay…" the boy merely squealed out.

In a moment, everything was forgotten and they were settled sitting on the bench and drinking whatever it was that Yuki had brought from the vending machine.

"They have strawberry-flavored iced tea in Japan?" he asked looking peculiarly at the pink liquid contents of the bottle, "crazy what these people come up with… next thing we know they would've come up with strawberry-flavored coffee beans."

Yuki had to suppress a laugh. Shuichi might've not known, but he was damn being adorable at the moment. After the unexpected events of this day, seeing the boy like this lightened up the mood.

He looked at Shuichi. He tried thinking of something, anything, but then he settled at just looking blankly. What was there to think anyway? Shuichi was there, he was there, what more could he ask for? He knew. More moments like this in the future would be quite nice, if not perfect.

His mind wandered to imagining a sickly Shuichi. Though he knew that the singer _was _sick, the boy made every possible attempt to hide that, and was good at it actually. If he hadn't seen Shuichi that morning, he would've actually doubted the doctors and would've just thought of everything as a scheme to get him and he said singer together. His mind was imagining the kid in the hospital, wearing that white hospital gown, having nurses and doctors checking up on him on every endless hour, syringes, medicines, life-support machines… and he, the great Eiri Yuki, standing right beside him unable to do anything more than watch.

Damn. The thought was torturing him.

"Yuki?" a soft voice woke him up from it. "Yuki, you look pale?"

The blonde shook his head and focused his attention back to the Shuichi beside him. What was a supposed to do at a time like this? Funny how he should ask that to himself, considering how many lovers he had had before.

"Shut up, Shuichi," he said, but gone was the ferocity that was once there, the statement actually came out gently.

The singer blinked his eyes, but smiled softly, "yeah, whatever," he replied putting his head on Yuki's shoulder. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours until twilight slowly crawled in the sky.

"Hey, Eiri, wait up," Shuichi sort of shouted, though his voice lack the volume to qualify as one.

Eiri stopped and looked at his rather slow lover. He loved it when Shuichi called him _Eiri_, and he still wondered why the singer would still call him _Yuki _even though he had known his real name for a long time. He remembered hearing Shuichi say his name before, during their first meeting after the singer's disappearance, but the feeling had been far from what he's feeling right now. That could be because he was too angry to feel anything but rage at the time.

He opened his eyes, which he didn't remember closing, only to meet a rather worried purple gaze.

"Eiri-" the singer tried to say something.

But he was stopped by a kiss descending on his lips before he could utter another word.

Shuichi took a lungful of air and looked at Eiri who had a smirk plastered on his face. The boy could almost tell the little dirty thoughts running through his lover's mind.

"What was that for?" he asked, voice still soft from both surprise and amusement.

"It's for calling me with my real name, brat," Yuki answered equally softly, yet the statement held a powerful tone. "Which remind me, why _don't _you call me by my real name often?"

There was silence after that, and Shuichi tore away his gaze from the blonde. But Yuki wanted, if not needed, to know. He held the singer's chin and forced him to have eye contact with him. The boy's eyes were glazed, and yet they held strength. "Tell me why…"

Shuichi's mouth opened, then closed, lips shaking as well as his whole body. There was definitely something in there. "I… It's because… I didn't think I had the place in your life to call you that…"

Yuki's heart sank. He didn't know Shuichi was thinking that. If anything, he was clueless. He took another kiss, this one lingering, almost forceful. "You… you thought…wha…. is that feeling gone now?"

No answer.

"Does that mean you still doubt your place in my life, Shuichi?" he asked again, trying to get a reply, any reply.

Shuichi's eyes shot at the mention of his name, shook his head and resumed his gaze directed to Yuki. "Do I have that place in your heart now, Yu-"

"Yes!" Yuki nearly shouted. "You… you do, Shuichi… actually, you've had it even beforebut I was too much of a bastard to make you feel that."

"Oh, Eiri!" Shuichi exclaimed hugging the writer again.

Neither of them knew nor cared, but they were alone standing on their path. It seemed like the world had finally decided to give them their much deserved moment of happiness undaunted by misjudging figures and hand-sewn rumors.

They walked back to the apartment, hands laced and swinging slightly. The streets were dark with nothing but street lights to guide the way. Hell, Yuki felt like being high school sweethearts with Shuichi.

Shuichi couldn't ask for anything much more than this, but although he didn't want to admit it, he really was having a hard time breathing. He knew, well, he thought that he was fine already. True that this morning's attack had gotten to him, but he never had an attack twice in a day before… he couldn't possible be having one right now. He _really _didn't need one right now.

Looking at Yuki and seeing the shimmer in the blonde's eyes made him happy, happier than he's been for a long _long _time. The thought of him ruining the moment not only scared him, it angered him. No was he going to make anything to make this rare occasion short-lived, though he was planning of making more of these some time in the near future.

_In the near future _rang in his head….

_In the near future… _

Now when had he thought of that? He didn't want to think about it, denied it even during his times with Eiri, but he knew he wouldn't last much more… hell even the doctors say it's a mystery why he's still alive and it's a miracle that he can still, although it's already requiring a lot of labor, breathe without respirators.

He looked at Eiri again and just loved that look the writer was flashing. The blonde would probably be annoyed at him if he told him, but Eiri was being _cute _at the moment. He had long wanted to make that expression show on the said writer's face, but his attempts proved futile in the past.

They were already approaching the apartment building when a horde of reporters swarmed over them. Damn, not this again…

Yuki looked at the group. Without Tohma's protection, which he assumed was lost after that little fight they had, they were bound to be susceptible to these scoop-hungry maniacs who neither cared nor believed they weren't the center of the world.

Both Yuki and Shuichi just walked pass the reporters. Past experiences had told them they weren't going to get anything useful from any confrontations with them.

Just when they were both about to approach the elevator, someone from the group was bold enough to directly yank Shuichi's hand from Yuki's grasp.

"What the-" Yuki turned to direct his death glare at whoever it was that separated him and his lover.

"_Mr. Shindou, why have you come back to Japan…?"_

"_Are you going to pursue a solo career…?"_

And a myriad of other questions were asked to the said singer who was, by then, pushed against the wall by the persistent journalists.

Yuki could've cared less, except one question which he hadn't even expected them to ask came out of nowhere. It stood out like blood on snow.

"_Mr. Shindou, we all know Mr. Yuki's status as a bachelor; the women he'd kept even before his 'relationship' with you. When you left, we, though silently, assumed that it was because he broke your heart. So tell us, Mr. Shindou, why have you not only come back to Japan, but also to the arms of the well known heart-breaker?"_

Yuki froze in where he stood. He had asked that often to himself, but never as blatantly as these nosy little bitches. He felt his blood boil. _How dare they… _His hands clenched and turned into rock-hard fists on his side. Before he knew it, he had already hit the nearest reporter to Shuichi and was dragging the singer into the apartment.

He could hear screams from outside, but hell like he cared.

He shut the door close behind them and bodily pushed Shuichi on the couch. Though, upon hearing a gasp, he was regretful he had used too much force upon him.

They waited until the commotion from outside lessened to a barely audible sound.

Yuki looked back to Shuichi who had a blank expression on his face. His heart thumped violently against his chest and his voice wanted to be heard. "Shuichi…" he called, teeth greeting trying to suppress insufferable emotions inside of him.

The singer replied by looking directly at him, though his face was unreadable.

"Shuichi… I… DAMN IT!" Yuki shouted directing his anger to the wall. "Shuichi…" he said softly this time, relieved to have finally hit something hard, "why… I mean…" but before another word could follow, he felt a pair of arms on his waist.

"I love you, Eiri…" Shuichi whispered softly, drowning every death thought on the writer's mind.

"I know that but-" Yuki turned around and wrapped his Shuichi in his arms, "was that enough? Why _did _you always come back, Shuichi? Why was it that every time I made you leave, you came back? When I left you alone, you followed? Why do you always come back to me, Shu, when all I ever really manage to do is break your heart?"

Shuichi laughed in a rather child-like manner, a reaction Yuki definitely did not expect. He loosened his hug on the said singer and looked at him directly in the eyes. Shu's eyes were rather cheery and playful, like he had been asked a joke.

"Oh, Eiri," he said ascending until his and Yuki's lips touched. When the kiss ended, Yuki was looking nearly cross-eyed at a very adorable Shuichi. "The truth is… Eiri," Shuichi replied softly leaning his head on the blonde's chest, "every time you broke my heart, I thought you were keeping a piece so that you could rebuild your own heart… that way I was happy… and I never minded it anymore…"

That sounded like a line from one of those dime-store novels Yuki had read before he became a novelist, but none of that mattered at the time… for all he knew, it sounded sweet coming from Shuichi, and for the moment, that seemed to be enough.

**A/N: **Song entitled You'll be safe by rivermaya. Anyone who wants a copy PM me or email me, review, whatever, give me your email ad and I'll send you the song.


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